Monday, December 13, 2010


ANSWER: Goose egg! Nada! Zilch! Zero! Zippo! Not a single zot!

I made it to the Philly porn-star auction successfully this past weekend.  I'm proud to admit that I overcame a lot of entrenched fears. . . I even danced the robot (IN PUBLIC!) to bad house music wearing red see-thru panties!  Unfortunately I was the only man impressed.  I didn't get a single bid.  :-(((

Actually the club closed down before I had a chance to step on stage.  No more auction block for me. . . .

Truth be told, I'm was a little nervous about selling myself into chattel slavery, if just for a fancy dinner and a good cause.  You know how nervous us pale faces get about the bad ole antebellum days.  That said, we sure do love to sing about it. . .

True, slavery has plagued human cultures the world over.  Isn't it funny though when white people perform "negro spirituals"? . . . especially when those singing hail from Scandinavian socialist utopias?  Like Jenny Wilson and Robyn belting out Saul William's reparations classic "List of Demands".  Wilson and Robyn couldn't be more earnest.  Not a single shred of irony!  So cute!!!

Naturally enough, "No More Auction Block" is one of my all time favorite spirituals.  Paul Robeson provides the classic rendition of course, with Sweet Honey in the Rock offering the perfect choral contrast to the lone moanful soloist:

Oddly enough, I found more examples of white singers belting out "No More Auction Block" than black.  I even discovered one rendition in Czech.  I guess capitalism makes us all slaves somehow or  another.  For one chilly night in the City of Brotherly Love I was slave to a pair of sheer red Santa briefs.  


If you still haven't had enough blocks check out the cool photos above and below.  Philly claims to have the last remaining wooden street in America, Camac Alley (coincidentally adjacent to my own auction block, Club Voyeur).  Apparently America's founding fathers used wood to pave their streets (insert infrastructure boner joke here).  Who knew?  


  1. The word "corduroy" can be used as a noun, a transitive verb, or an adjective. The noun refers to the fabric. The verb refers either to making a road across a swamp by laying down whole logs, or split logs round-face-up, or to the crossing of such a road: "to corduroy".

    I aways remember this from my Ohio history class in grade school. I doubt it would look as nice as the street above does nor be as smooth a ride.

  2. I can't believe you didn't make it to the auction block .... a lot of men
    must have been pretty disappointed. I know I would have been!

    You should have been on the block first or were they keeping the best
    for last?
    Any pics of you in the red undies ... :-)

  3. Crap! I didn't go to the auction cause funds were low, but I could've gotten you for a song. I can't believe you didn't get a bid...!

  4. What?! I can't believe it! Though if you weren't feeling the auction, maybe it's for the best. The universe was looking out for you. ;) When I went to church in high school, the choir director was this giant bearded white guy with an ego to match his baritone who chose to give himself a solo. His choice? A slavery spiritual. The congregation was horrified. It could have only been worse if he had gone Al Jolson and pulled out the shoe polish. He, uh...didn't last long in the position after that.

  5. While it heartens me to hear you say you like Jenny Lewis, that, unfortunately, is not her.

  6. THANK GOODNESS, I thought I was the only person who noticed that if you Google an old negro spiritual you'll find LOTS of white people singing. Quite hilarious to me actually

  7. Its so damn cold here I've been wearing my rabbit fur coat all day. . . I guess I just have the wrong Jenny on my mind. Its been fixed. Thanks Callmekc.

    And Ian. . . brilliant! I had no idea. . . finally explains curduroy pants to me. This may also explain both my strange attraction to boys in cords and boys with big axes. ;-)

  8. Shades of Tweet-Up! I feared that NO ONE bid on you which would have been ridiculous! Will the club not hold a make-up auction so that your real true price can be established?

    I once pushed the bidding on a pornstar's jockstrap because I felt that the Woody's crowd were being a bunch of cheap jerks. So for a hunnert bucks I got to remove the jock off Tyler Saint and have my picture taken with him. Well worth the money, says I.

  9. That's fine, having Jenny on the mind. Her new(er) stuff as Jenny and Johnny almost makes me forgive the moneymaker.

    j, with your teeth? :o

  10. I have to say that Club Voyeur did a disservice by not publicizing the auction on their website: when I read your post, you said "tomorrow", and because I read it on Friday, I thought it was Saturday night, but lo and behold, when I went to their website, they had nothing about it. And when I went back to your post and realized you posted it on Thursday, I was quite disappointed!

    I have to mention: The wooden street on Camac is great, except when you trip and bust up your knee on it, which is what I did about 3 weeks ago as I exited Tavern on Camac.

  11. Oh no! A busted knee!!!! That must explain all of the wooden legs in colonial tymes. I'm sorry Justin. Lets burn it to the ground! Even closer to the ground! Burn the ground!

    Truly sucks though. Sorry man.

  12. Sweden is sadly no longer a socialist country...

    /Swedish amirer

  13. Thankfully there wasn't permanent damage - just limped for a couple of days.

  14. I'm sorry to hear about the auction. Those guys missed out on a great time with some interesting conversation. If you are ever in Sacramento, CA, I'll take you out for a cheeseburger.