Thursday, September 30, 2010

CUZIN' KODY PROBED



Looks like Colby's cuz Kody is gunna get probed!  (and not behind the shed this time)

The Lehi PD is on his tail for felony bigamy.  Poor Cody. . . I knew that 13th spirit child would be bad luck!

I still haven't seen the premier of Sister Wives on TLC (Kody, a fundamentalist Mormon, shares 4 wives) but it turns out there is also a polygamous dating website also called Sister Wives!!!  Check it out: http://www.sisterwives.net/dating/

283 couples have a profile!!!!

PORNOGAMI



Oh Japan! . . . The robotic cervix! Penis hats! beaver wigs! Not to mention sushi! You give so much to the world.

Colby heart U.




Here is Master Sugoi demonstrating proper technique for "oragami penis". Make your own and send a pic to Colby!




BIGSHOE TUNES: A HISTORY OF SPANK


For those more mature, academic types, a few auditory pleasures pulled from the garbage dump of history (now conveniently located on Itunes).  Should you want your own authentic Colby Keller souvenir hand print come to RAW this Friday at the Green Lantern in DC.  I will bravely harness the power of my palm at Ye' Olde Spank Stoppe.  Just for you!

1. Spank-- Jimmy Bo Horne
2. Don't Spank de Babie-- Herb Jeffries
3. Mamma Spank-- Liz Anderson
4. Spank Me Like You Mean It-- Stupidity & Sarcasm
5. Mamma Whip!  Mamma Spank!-- Lucille Hegamin

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I SEE PENIS: KOKIGAMI


A "friend of Colby" submitted a great photo of his cock and balls for use in the Big Shoe Diaries. The first thing it made me think of was the Japanese art form of Kokigami, which is basically like origami (the paper folding art) for perverts like me. The Japanese have entire sexual games and rituals built around folded paper adornments for their genitals-HOT!!!

I wonder if J. Bone could make another Kokigami-style Colby Keller Paper Doll...



I SEE BEAVER: BLOODY JACKSON


Turn it inside out!


 To me Andrew Jackson will always be a world-class dick for his brutal suppression of Tecumseh and the Creek Nation in 1812 and his subsequent campaign against the Seminole in 1817.  He also owned over 300 slaves throughout his lifetime and murdered seven people before he became president (check out the campaign poster against him above).  None-the-less, the man has impressed enough people to get his mug on the $20 bill.  Inspired by my Greenback post, blog reader Odios transformed Old Hickory dick into a paper twat.  :-) 

There is also an emo-inspired rock-opera about Jackson opening October 13th on Broadway, Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson.


MR. DIVINE: PERVERTS



John Waters discusses celebrity and tearooms. From thinkbig.com

SPANK, SMACK, SLAP, TAP







I thought I'd give your ears a rest today and show some hot ass: pre, mid and post spank.  Spanking through time! 

If you want your own timeless spanking experience by Colby Keller come to RAW this Friday at the Green Lantern in DC.  All hands on deck! 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

HISTORY OF PORN: IMAGE ON THE EDGE





In case anyone needs reminders of the human obsession with sex and the body, one need look no further than the religious texts of human history. In the margins of so many hand-scribed pages of holy words are illicit images of everything from homo-sucking and -fucking to bestiality...and that's why I love Michael Camille's Image on the Edge. You don't have to go the the sex museums of NYC or Amsterdam to see the good stuff. Just find a local museum with a great manuscript collection and some open-minded rare books curators and you're good to go.

The images below are from the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore, which has one of the finest rare manuscripts collections in the country. The first image (a little hard to see) is an upside down man masturbating from an English monastic psalter-hours (c 1300). Ouch! Somebody likes it in the eye! A priest and a woman take confession a little too far in the next set of images from the "Romance of the Rose" (France mid-14th century).



There is also at least one full-frontal nude man and another profiled from the side wielding a BIG axe in the Bayeux Tapestry. Can you spot them? If you've never seen the whole thing before, click on the hyperlink above and keep scrolling right. Its really incredible!


COLBY AS CANVAS















"Friend of Colby" Vinny Nasso likes calligraphy (and is quite the talent as you can see). The poem is by fellow Michigander Philip Levine:

The Simple Truth

I bought a dollar and a half's worth of small red potatoes,
took them home, boiled them in their jackets
and ate them for dinner with a little butter and salt.
Then I walked through the dried fields
on the edge of town. In middle June the light
hung on in the dark furrows at my feet,
and in the mountain oaks overhead the birds
were gathering for the night, the jays and mockers
squawking back and forth, the finches still darting
into the dusty light. The woman who sold me
the potatoes was from Poland; she was someone
out of my childhood in a pink spangled sweater and sunglasses
praising the perfection of all her fruits and vegetables
at the road-side stand and urging me to taste
even the pale, raw sweet corn trucked all the way,
she swore, from New Jersey. "Eat, eat" she said,
"Even if you don't I'll say you did."
Some things
you know all your life. They are so simple and true
they must be said without elegance, meter and rhyme,
they must be laid on the table beside the salt shaker,
the glass of water, the absence of light gathering
in the shadows of picture frames, they must be
naked and alone, they must stand for themselves.
My friend Henri and I arrived at this together in 1965
before I went away, before he began to kill himself,
and the two of us to betray our love. Can you taste
what I'm saying? It is onions or potatoes, a pinch
of simple salt, the wealth of melting butter, it is obvious,
it stays in the back of your throat like a truth
you never uttered because the time was always wrong,
it stays there for the rest of your life, unspoken,
made of that dirt we call earth, the metal we call salt,
in a form we have no words for, and you live on it.

BIGSHOE TUNES: SPANK, PART II




Come get your booty smacked by me. . . Colby Keller!  This Friday at RAW at the Green Lantern in Washington DC I'll have a booth in the back red'to'go.

As promised, Spank Mix 2-- Booty Smack! 

1. B-O-O-T-A-Y-- Spank Rock and Benny Blanco
2. Choke me, Spank me (Pull My Hair)-- Xzibit
3. Spank me like a bad puppy-- Zhinin
4. Spank You-- The Marginal Prophets
5. Spank Bank-- gONNA gET gOT
6. Smack my Booty-- Medium John (from the album I Love Porno)

Monday, September 27, 2010

I SEE BEAVER: GREENBACK


Ever notice how money folded in your pocket the wrong way starts to look a little bit like your cousing Stacey's hoo-hoo?

BIGSHOE TUNES: SPANK, PART I



Come one!  Come all!  The Colby Keller Spank Station is back! 

I'll be spanking all night long this Friday at RAW at the Green Lantern in DC.  Every ass welcome.  Choose from hand, paddle, or rolled up New Yorker. 

In preparation for this momentous occasion I will release a spank-themed mini-mix every day this week.  Today's selection covers Pop/Rock/NewCountry (Pounckry? . . .They all sound the same right?)

1. Spank Me Baby-- The Adicts
2. Spank-- Kenny Wayne Shepherd
3. Spank It-- Brother Love
4. Spank My Booty-- Lords of Acid

Sunday, September 26, 2010

ARTISTS I LIKE: SARAH SMALL













If you missed her Tableau Vivant last night Check out some of Sarah Small's amazing work! Plenty of noodles and nudies (and beautiful bruises) to please the eye.