Leading up to the 2nd Anniversary of BSD, we're re-posting some of the best moments in the blog's history. Unless you are Scottish or attended a certain liberal arts college in Arkansas, you may not have known about Robert Burns Day Celebrations until you woke to hear Colby reading while intoxicated. Nine inches, as always, proved to be quite popular.
"KEN YA MA OOR LASS, BESS?"
In honor of Robert Burns Day I thought I'd read a few selections from the "Merry Muses of Caledonia", a collection of erotic poetry published four years after the Scottish poet's death. Burns is probably most well known for his New Year's Eve anthem "Auld Lang Syne". I hope I'm not well known for butchering the following poems. Its turns out its impossible to read a poem by Burns without faking a Scottish accent. He wrote em that way. If you don't understand a single word, you're not alone. Desperate for some inspiration, the glass I'm holding in the video is meant to contain scotch (I'm so poor, however, I can't afford scotch so I improvised with cheap American whiskey).
"NAE HAIR ON'T"
"NINE INCH WILL PLEASE A LADY"
From what meager understanding I could gather, a brief synopsis:
KEN YA MA OOR LASS, BESS?
Our boy Tam "breaks an egg" on Bess using his "three-footed stool"; the "white runs down her thigh".
NAE HAIR ON'T
A boy is sad about his girl's hairless kooch.
NINE INCH WILL PLEASE A LADY
Largely incoherent yet self-explanatory.
THERE CAM A SOGER
"There Came a Soldier". . . This was the only poem I could find that might potentially contain homoerotic content. "He set a stiff thing to my wame. . . I soupled baithed the ends o't"
All I could gather in the way of explanation was this unhelpful nugget from Pauline Mackay at the BBC: Burns sent 'There cam a soger' to Patrick Miller Jr of Dalswinton (1769 - 1845) on the 08 March 1795, stating that the verse is 'an old Scottish stanza'. Patrick Miller Jr was a Captain in the army and a Member of Parliament for Dumfires from 1790 until 1796. A great deal of bawdy folk song is written about illicit sexual encounters with soldiers and their consequences.
You can read all of the poems above in their entirely as well as more from the "Merry Muses of Caledonia" HERE.