Luck may be a lady, but she is most definitely not a gay porn star.
This particular gay porn star suffers the perpetual frustration and frequent misfortune common to a notoriously long streak of bad luck, especially when it comes to parking tickets, Publisher's Clearing House and paying off my taxes. At least this time around my lack-luckster record of achievement will benefit another chronically luck-deprived population: the children of Haiti (and lets face it, they probably have it worse than poor ole' Colby). Either way Lady Luck is a DICK.
My most recent bout of bad luck began promisingly enough with a generous gesture: a fan bought be 5 raffle tickets to benefit the children of Haiti. The prize? A brand new iPad! I nearly lost a knuckle this Tuesday as the winner was announced. (Remember boys: excessively crossing your fingers can kill!) Naturally, the cosmic clouds of Kismet chose to shower their fortune on another kind soul, not me.
Thanks to the raffle-ready student-body at East Stroudsburg University in northeast PA, the children of Haiti will receive backpacks stuffed with new books, regardless of whether I win an iPad or not. I nearly went into a tail spin when I discovered they would also receive a stash of new art supplies! You know things are bad when you get jealous of Haitian earthquake victims. With or without Lady Luck, I can usually afford art supplies (and when I can't the dumpster usually suffices). An iPad however is a different story. . .
I have my dreams. Who needs Apple when you have iMagination! I was holding out for version 2.0 anyway. It has a built in cam! Besides, Lady Luck really ain't all that nice. I mean an earthquake? Is that how you reward the descendants of the only successful slave rebellion on earth? After decades of oppressive dictatorship and soul-crushing poverty? And mud pies!?!?!?! WTF!
If you'd like to give Lady Luck the finger and help Haiti at the same time, charitywatch.org gives CARE, the International Rescue Committee and Partners in Health all an A+ rating. No word yet on BigshoeCARES and its new iPads4pornstars program.
Thanks to Patrick for the raffle tickets and to Lady Luck for crashing blogger as I finished typing the FIRST draft of this post (and failing to save anything I wrote). If Lady Luck really had her wish I'd probably be in Haiti right now buried under centuries of racial injustice.