Sunday, April 17, 2011


On a recent trip to Florida, I came across a strange phenomena.  I kept encountering palm trees with holes drilled (or pounded) up one side of their trunks.  The holes were often filled with golf tees or strange wooden screws.

In honor of Christ's triumphant entry into Jerusalem on the back of an ass (hallelu!), I figured I'd post some grainy close-ups and pose an important question to blog readers: does anyone know WTF golf tees in palm trees are for?  Besides serving as a far-fetched sexual metaphor for one easily confused porn star?

I mean tree trunks and golf tees are both phallic right?  Penetrating a phallic trunk with a phallic golf tee!?!?!


Before I lay my fronds at the foot of the messiah I need answers!


  1. Wow, this is going to seem really pretentious, but in "Howards End" by E. M. Forster, a character is charmed by the pigs' teeth driven into the great tree in front of the house. They're supposedly an ancient custom to protect the house, and I suppose in Forster they're about retaining some connection to the past.
    The more practical side could be answered by a tree surgeon--I know one if you want me to ask--but I'd guess there's a parasite or something that burrows a hole in the tree; the caretaker puts something in the hole to make the tree better; then the hole needs to be plugged and a golf tee is the right size.
    PS Do not try this on your dick.

  2. Huh. I have no practical idea why somebody would insert golf tees into tree trunks.

    On the literary tip, it made me think of "A Melon For Ecstasy", wherein the protagonist has a kink for trees. The subsequent holes (waist high, slightly downward angle) leave something of a mystery for the local arborealists.

  3. They are the arboreal equivalent of hypodermic needles, used to inject palm trees with tetracycline as a treatment for lethal yellowing disease. The antibiotic isn't very effective and has to be injected at least twice a year. The injections leave holes in the trunk that never heal and possibly end up doing more harm than good.

  4. One thing I figure is relevant: palm trees aren't botanically trees and can't heal themselves when holes are made in the trunk, so that's probably why holes have to be plugged. I recall hearing that ant colonies enter holes in palm trees and wreck them.

  5. Wow! I have learned so much. Thanks boys!!!!!