Thursday, July 21, 2011

COLBY DOPPELGÄNGER: BO BURNHAM


Imagine for a moment a perfect world: You're younger, smarter, talented and much more attractive.

Now imagine you are Colby one sad, self-deprecatory night, scrolling through Netflix, ameliorative whiskey in hand.  After a harrowing fifty-six minutes fighting back the waterworks while watching the PBS special "POV: A Family Undertaking", which explores the growing home funeral movement you decide cheap whiskey just isn't cutting it.  You need a real pick-me-up.  You break out the coke. . . and pour some in your glass.  That's when you discover Bo Burnham, 19 year old stand-up comic and Youtube sensation, who oddly enough looks like a much younger, smarter, talented and more attractive version of yourself.  Coupled with a pre-recession psychedelic hipster aesthetic, Bo may in fact represent the world that wasn't.  I would recommend his Comedy Central debut: "Words, Words, Words", if just for his precocious need to cover all his bases and offend everyone while still maintaining that loopy leftist pc pragmatism best befitting a Brown graduate.

A boy who can write Shakespeare inspired porn is a boy after my own genome.  If ever I've had a long lost brother, Bo Burnham is it. 

A sample from "Sonnet 155, If Shakespeare Had Written Porn":

I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs
As I removed my source of Grecian power
As if King Midas dared to touch the skies
Upon thy body fell a golden shower

Thy body's temples, two church bells had rung
Upon thy chest, a row of pearls bestowed
The sun had set, thy set with wary hung
I thought, "How black a night and blue a lode"

I said, "What light through yonder beaver breaks?
It is the yeast"

And now my belly's yellow
My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes
But 'tis not massive, I am no Othello

And when that final moment came to pass
Like Christ I came-a riding on an ass


5 comments:

  1. Well in my opinion you look much better. He is younger and funnier then you but, you can give lots of men instant hard-on's.

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  2. very cool kid!
    But you're even better :)

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  3. Sorry, he's no match for you. How old are you, anyway, like 50?

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  4. He's definitely funny, but he doesn't come close to you in looks. Your face is much cuter.

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  5. Oh, I've always loved Bo! He's adorable and so talented! Check out his "Art is dead" song, it will blow you away!

    I never realized he looked like you, though... but now that you mentioned it I can see it.

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