Thursday, July 21, 2011


Imagine for a moment a perfect world: You're younger, smarter, talented and much more attractive.

Now imagine you are Colby one sad, self-deprecatory night, scrolling through Netflix, ameliorative whiskey in hand.  After a harrowing fifty-six minutes fighting back the waterworks while watching the PBS special "POV: A Family Undertaking", which explores the growing home funeral movement you decide cheap whiskey just isn't cutting it.  You need a real pick-me-up.  You break out the coke. . . and pour some in your glass.  That's when you discover Bo Burnham, 19 year old stand-up comic and Youtube sensation, who oddly enough looks like a much younger, smarter, talented and more attractive version of yourself.  Coupled with a pre-recession psychedelic hipster aesthetic, Bo may in fact represent the world that wasn't.  I would recommend his Comedy Central debut: "Words, Words, Words", if just for his precocious need to cover all his bases and offend everyone while still maintaining that loopy leftist pc pragmatism best befitting a Brown graduate.

A boy who can write Shakespeare inspired porn is a boy after my own genome.  If ever I've had a long lost brother, Bo Burnham is it. 

A sample from "Sonnet 155, If Shakespeare Had Written Porn":

I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs
As I removed my source of Grecian power
As if King Midas dared to touch the skies
Upon thy body fell a golden shower

Thy body's temples, two church bells had rung
Upon thy chest, a row of pearls bestowed
The sun had set, thy set with wary hung
I thought, "How black a night and blue a lode"

I said, "What light through yonder beaver breaks?
It is the yeast"

And now my belly's yellow
My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes
But 'tis not massive, I am no Othello

And when that final moment came to pass
Like Christ I came-a riding on an ass


  1. Well in my opinion you look much better. He is younger and funnier then you but, you can give lots of men instant hard-on's.

  2. very cool kid!
    But you're even better :)

  3. Sorry, he's no match for you. How old are you, anyway, like 50?

  4. He's definitely funny, but he doesn't come close to you in looks. Your face is much cuter.

  5. Oh, I've always loved Bo! He's adorable and so talented! Check out his "Art is dead" song, it will blow you away!

    I never realized he looked like you, though... but now that you mentioned it I can see it.