I SEE PENIS: CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA PART 2

If you didn't catch the first video, you definitely need to see the one above, if not for the incredible audio dub.  Fonzy and the Woman.

I SEE PENIS: CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

With a long, rubbery rostrum that closely resembles man's best friend and a smile that belies a seemingly permanent pleasant disposition, the dolphin can count itself lucky as one of the earth's few "charismatic" megafauna: its cutesy good looks make it an easy sell to conservation weary audiences.  "Charismatic Megafauna" is also the name of Colby's new band. Good right?

If "The Cove" is too much to bear, I highly suggest everyone watch the following video.  Two unctuous textures find affection in one other: love crosses the species barrier.  Dolphins, like humans, are one of the few animal species that allegedly have sex for fun.  They've even been spotted in all male orgies. . . A handful of documented cases exist of dolphins attempting to mate with other mammals, including humans (click on the hyperlink to see for yourself).  If that doesn't inspire your support then Commander Colby DEMANDS you see "The Cove".  Open your eyes and bear it.  Its important.



The Cove:



For some truly crazy shit, click HERE.  Approach with caution (and a sense of humor).

I SEE PENIS: ROYAL WEDDING SEATING CHART

Hmm.  I'd rather sit at the tip.  

Thanks to TakeCharge Dad for submitting this photo of the royal wedding seating chart.

I SEE PENIS: WILLIAM ARTHUR PHILIP LOUIS

"Arise Prince Willy!", proclaims the new brew "Royal Virility Performance", produced by Scotland Brew Dog Brewery to commemorate the royal marriage of Prince William, eldest son of Charles and Diana, to 28 year old Kate Middleton of Leeds (which occurs today).

Known by his official name Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of the House of Windsor, Willy is second in line to assume the throne of 16 different independent countries, including the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

Other notable phallic souvenirs to mark the nuptial event of the decade include commemorative condoms (pictured below), 'cause your own family jewels deserve a crown of their own every once and a while.

Dedicated to "furnishing the best English prophylactics to discerning clientele across the world", the royal wedding rubbers are produced by Crown Jewels, Condoms of Distinction, the "proud purveyor of an exclusive line of heritage love sheaths."

COLBY CRUSH: MATTHIEU CHARNEAU

SCREAM!!!!!!!!  OMG!  OMG!  OMG!  

I.  AM.  IN.  LOVE!!!!!  

I've never felt more like a teenage girl in a poodle skirt at a Elvis concert in the 1950s than at the precise moment I first saw French model Matthieu Charneau on the blog of BSD contributor Arch Noble (of Colby Christ notoriety).   As you might expect, I love all kinds of boys, but Matthieu definitely hits the top of my "type" list.  Hate me or love me, I decided to post every single picture of Matthieu I could find on the net.  Somebody please bring me this beautiful boy BEFORE . . . I  . . . MELT!  

THE THINKER

From BSD reader Bernard Welt's Golden Boys of Long Ago blog series. . .

Love this drawing.  Does anyone know the artist?

THANK GOD ALMIGHTY. . .

I've finally made it!  . . . To Arlington, Virginia.

Please note: VIOLATORS WILL BE TREATED AS TRESPASSERS PURSUANT TO VA CODE SECTION 182-119.

HUNKY JESUS CONTEST

I've never wanted to bow my knee before the savior more!  The first Jesus is particularly hunky. 

Thanks to Jack for sending this in.  Watching it soon, cause it probably won't be up for long.

I HEAR ORGASM

OK.  So I know this blog is supposed to be about porn and cocks and hairy men and shit, but isn't this penguin the CUTEST thing you have EVER seen in the ENTIRE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!  

There is actually a spot on Colby's body that forces me to make the exact same noise.  Can you guess where it is?  Clue: its the same spot that gets excited when I watch videos of adorwable penguins.  :-)

FLICK U: RUBBER

William Eggleston, Memphis, c. 1969-1970

Ever look back at your life and regret skipping that one class in college that really might have changed things?  Film Theory 101 perhaps?  Well, now is your opportunity to catch up.  Quentin Dupieux's new flick "Rubber" slathers on a healthy enough dose of didactic dross you'll think you just sat through a crit on the first day of film class.  Dupieux does with impunity what many have tried and all have failed: the student film as high art.  In other words, "Rubber" tries to be stupid, but over explains how stupid its trying to be.  

The story revolves around the homicidal exploits of a curious tire named Robert, who pulls himself out of the desert sand to wreak havoc across the sun drenched Southwest.  As if to announce their confident lack of confidence in the story, the filmmakers explain away much of the narrative in a "movie inside a movie about movies" motif.  If only they had left well enough alone and stuck with the homicidal tire. . .  Fortunately, what doesn't hit you over the head, may just mesmerize you.  The cinematography, à la photographer William Eggleston (the tire eventually becomes reincarnated as a tricycle) is mighty purty.

If  "Rubber" leaves you wanting more, be sure to catch the B movie classic "Killer Condom".  Or clock out for 10 minutes and watch both the trailers below:

   

"Rubber" 2011

"Killer Condom" 1996

CONDOM WORKFORCE

Does your boss like to tie you up with work, then throw in the toilet at the end of day?  Don't despair!  We've all been there.  Pull yourself up, stretch out your legs, and join the Condom Workforce!

I saw an ad for this blog in a magazine of all places (a real, bone-a-fide made-out-of-paper magazine).  Crazy right?  An ad for a blog in a magazine?  I saw it and thought you'd enjoy it.  You can judge the content for yourself.  Prophylactics paper pushers unite!

NOTHIN LIKE THE REAL THING

Bacchanalia done right.  By Auguste Léveque.

AFTER PARTY

I received the anonymous picture above in my inbox today.  I guess it was a bad idea to wear my bunny ears to Easter dinner yesterday.  ;-/

BACONALIA BACCHANLIA

While I can't say that "The Sizzling of Bacon" is my favorite songs, its definitely in the top 10.  A road-trip to Florida recently brought me to Denny's where I had the unfortunate experience to encounter their festival of fried meats.  Denny's definitely ain't what I remember as a kid.  Maybe I'm just too much of a food snob now.  I need real maple syrup, not flavored corn sludge! . . and eggs that don't taste like dishwashing detergent.  4 stars for the clever advertising gimmick though.  I'm really curious to know how many adventurous eaters in Middle America have tried the "maple bacon" sundae.  

BIGSHOE TUNES: CRAVE HIM

Maybe its all the lavender clad nekkid pin-ups floating around this time of year or the paralyzing omnipresence of pastel (OH! THE PASTEL!) but something about Easter makes me feel especially fruity.

In honor of all the sacrifice that goes into making this holiday extra special, I want to give a powerful shout-out to the Man behind the Plan, JC.  Whether you think he's a potent mythological metaphor or historically grounded verity (I side with the former), his lasting example of proto-socialist self-sacrifice in service to the multitudinous faults, flaws and fuckups of others is a lesson we can all learn from.  In His honor, I dedicate this disco hit: "Crave Him", by Flight Facilities, featuring Giselle.  

Hang it up Gurl!  My sins thank you!  (Trust . . They gunna keep comin')

I SEE PENIS: LONGINUS

According to legend, Longinus was the Roman centurion who pierced the side of Jesus with his lance.  He later converted to Christianity where his complete lack of compassion at Golgotha earned him a vaunted place in the cannon of saints and martyrs of the Catholic and Orthodox Churches.  Its a wonder that Longinus got canonized at all, while the Sadducees of the Sanhedrin get a complete pass.  Surely they could have invented a Jewish convert to worship?  Go figure.

Blog favorite Kenny illustrated this inspirational drawing of Colby Christ nailed to a cross of cock (complete with detachable dildo spear).  I keep telling the boys, put it where there already is a hole!

COLBY CHRIST

You've seen Colby Moses, but Colby Christ?

At first was the Word, and the Word was made flesh.

You may want to cease and desist here boys. . . There is one more prophet I can think of down the line, but a porn rendition of him may just get me killed.  Thanks to Arch Noble for a portrait worthy of praise.

I'm humbled.

WEEPING AND GNASHING OF TEETH

Surly one of the Stations of the Cross isn't a gloryhole?  

If there is a Hell, I'm guaranteed a prominent seat at the sulfer pits thanks to Ray Avito's submission for the erotic Jesus portrait contest.  At least I can sleep at night knowing JC got some reciprocal head before the Romans gambled away his clothes and put him out to hang.  Who knows?  Maybe thats what brought him back?  I'd sure be horny after three days in the hole.  I can't think of a better way to say "Happy Easter" than some Jesus Juice right in the kisser.

(Please don't hate me Christians!  I didn't sit through 4 hour sermons every Sunday at the Living Word Assemblies of God for nuthin'. . . I've done my time.  A little tongue-in-cheek feels more than deserved.)

GOOD FRIDAY, GREAT FRIDAY!

Brings a whole nuther meaning to "love thy brother". . . "Crucifix" by Elisabeth Ohlson Wallin.

More from the artist's "Ecce Homo" series:

LASTING SUPER

New York photographer Matteo Trisolini's interpretation of the Last Supper.  For some strange reason the guy on the far left (Bartholomew?) is making me especially hungry.

BIGSHOE TUNES: AB SOTO

Gotta love Ab Soto. Thanks to BeatZcologne for reminding me just how much I like this boy.  

Little known Colby fact: If you ever meet Colby and want to drive him WILD, learn how to drop it like its hot.  Preferably on his face.  :-)  To learn how, I highly recommend this video: BOOTY SHAKE CONTEST.

I SEE PENIS: TOKE

What does 420 mean to you?   

Don't forget to get that favorite Nazi in your life a present.  Today is also Hitler's birthday!  I prefer a steaming pile of #!%* wrapped in a simple paper bag.  I hear there is a way you can smoke that too?