Thursday, June 30, 2011

BOYS WITH BEARDS: I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER




Nothing says Pride like good friends, Dionne Warwick and the transformative power of Glee. 

Thanks to Bryan for passing this along. 

OUCH CANADA: PATRIOTIC SPANKING


On July 1st, 1867, The Parliament of the United Kingdom and the Parliament of Canada enacted a provision that united three British colonies (New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and the Province of Canada) into the sovereign commonwealth nation of Canada.  To celebrate, Colby will be offering his Hand of Dominion this Friday, Canada Day, in Washington DC at RAW

Choose your preferred mode of discipline: Colby's firm maple leaf shaped hand, the US Constitution, or the Declaration of Independence (in honor of that other Independence day). 

RAW takes place at the Green Lantern, 1335 Green Court NW 10PM to 2PM. 

Remember to tip your spanker! 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

CELERY SEX APPEAL



 We all know that chomping on a stick of celery burns more calories than you get from consuming it.  According to the authors of the new book "Stay Young: Ten Proven Steps to the Ultimate Health" the cytoplasm in celery also contains androstenone, the male sex pheromone found in sweat.  Eating just a few stalks should almost instantaneously make you more appealing.  Celery doesn't stop there.  It can also boost sex drive and increase the size of your ejaculation. . . all of which make celery Colby's favorite snack.  These pictures clearly demonstrate celery's sex appeal at work.  

Incidentally, androstenone is also found in Boar saliva.  While some remain skeptical of the compounds efficacy in affecting human sexuality, it remains the active ingredient in Boarmate, a product used to help make sows more receptive to artificial insemination.  A quick sniff and a sow in heat will instantly assume the mating position.


MAN, PUSSY


Granted, while I may be a "woman sympathizer", the warning for this video (for "WOMEN ONLY!") seems a tad unnecessary and little offensive. . . That said, who can resist pictures of hot men and cuddly little kitty cats?  In case you're still not convinced, here are a few pictures of me with my own witty-bitty-kitty Buddacup.



I actually share Budders with my downstairs neighbor, who cut a hole in the floor beneath my office desk while I was on vacation one week so that we could share feline responsibilities (and joy).  :-))



The "Cat Hole"

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

STUDS WITH SCRUFF: DJORDJE BOGDANOVIC


Serbia's finest, Djordje Bogdanovic, all tied up.  Photos courtesy of Milos Nadazdin.


Monday, June 27, 2011

I SEE PENIS: PILSNER



In keeping with today's theme: sometimes all it takes to switch genders is a couple of beers. . . Or maybe just one, strategically placed.   

CAN'T CORK, COCK, CUNT



In researching my Bottoms and Burritos post, I came across some incredible pictures of women masturbating with wine bottles.  I couldn't find many boys.  If you've ever seen "One Man, One Cup" you may know why.  Impressive none-the-less.  The picture above is by far the most artistic (and my favorite).

BOTTOMS & BURRITOS


In 30 years of life (11 of those spent sexually active) its easy enough to develop the occasional stereotype.  Some stereotypes surprise, even though they probably shouldn't.  Bottoms, for instance, LOVE their wine.  Why?  I'm not altogether sure.  I'm more of a scotch and whiskey drinker myself (the versatile preferred spirit?), beer if I need to slow things down.  If you like to fuck ass, but get dissuaded by 2nd date "buy me dinner first" boys, its handy to keep your wine cellar stocked.  You'll thank me. 

For other obvious, though seemingly contradictory reasons, bottoms also tend to avoid high calorie meals that require stuffing large sloppy phallic objects in their mouths.  Perhaps in an effort to rectify this conundrum, and make burritos more palatable for bottoms, the good people at the Huffington Post have decided to pair the menu of Colby's favorite restaurant Chipotle, with an affordable wine list.  Next time that prudish fisting bottom wants dinner first, you'll know where to take him. 


2009 Alamos Torrontes, $10: An unoaked, bright white wine.

2010 Kenwood Chardonnay, $10: A modestly oaked Chardonnay.

2010 Cupcake Riesling, $10: A gentle, sweet white wine.

2010 Pianissimo Rosé of Malbec, $12: A fuller style of rose.

2009 Kris Pinot Noir, $13: A light style Pinot Noir.

2008 Valley of the Moon Zinfandel, $13: A full-bodied red.

2010 Jam Jar Shiraz, $10: A sweet red wine.



Sunday, June 26, 2011

I SEE HAIRY BALLS: OAK AND IVY



Summer at its best. . .

Found by fellow Marylander John on Fifth Avenue bordering Central Park below the Met.

COLBY DOGGELGÄNGER: HOLLY



Not only do I look just like Holly (pictured above) we share almost identical bios: " I just can't get enough of you.  Whoever you are I already like you.  I'm such a people person.  I love to play and joke around.  Don't worry I'm gentle with kids and other dogs.  If you have any I'd love to meet them.  We can all go for a walk together." 

According to Doggelganger, a New Zealand based animal adoption service, we are a 60% match.  All I need now is a couple grand for a plane ticket and a enough money to buy the parking lot next to my apartment and replace it with grass.  Kiwi or not, log on to find your own canine clone.  


Thanks to BSD reader Lance for passing this along.  Now, more pictures of ME!  Yay.  




Friday, June 24, 2011

I SEE PENIS: LITTLE CHO(DE)






Alex from LA sent in this menu from Little Cho restaurant in Koreatown.  As Alex delicately points out, even the name is vaguely phallic: Cho(de).

Yum.  I love me some Korean BBQ. 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I SEE PENIS: BOMB POP


"Bomb Pop"
More literal food porn from Filiopo Ioco and the World Erotic Art Museum


FLAPJACK FUCKFEST


"Butter Top"


Nothing starts off my morning right like 100% Grade A maple syrup, a stick of butter and an orgy.  Noted body painter Filliopo Ioco recently created a series of digitally enhanced food porn for a recent exhibition at WEAM (the World Erotic Art Museum) in Miami.  The post-coital flap-jack fuckfest above is by far my favorite.  

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

KOKI-"COLBY"-GAMI: EX



Hold on lil' Colb.  Expect a bumpy ride.

Much to my bewilderment (and continual gratitude), Luis (pictured) and Jaime have submitted several Colby Kokigami throughout the year.  While nevertheless appreciative, I was saddened to find this latest series in my inbox several weeks ago.  Jaime informs me that the two have broken up.  While no longer boyfriends per se, they are apparently in good enough terms to still dress each others genitals in paper dolls.  At the end of the day, thats all that matters, right?







If you too would like to reconnect with a long lost ex, simply print me off, schedule an awkward meetup and let history happen.  Don't forget your camera.







As ever, thanks to artist J.Bone for the magnificent paper-doll portrait.

I SEE PENIS: SWITCH






With the flick of a switch, you too can fill your hearts with the Light of Christ.  I knew there was a reason we took naps in Sunday School. . . 

Thanks to BSD reader Churchill for A). passing along this brilliant pic and B). having an appropriately ironic enough name to give the joke an added kick.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

BUTTS I'D LIKE TO MUNCH


Actor, model, bartender and all-around pretty boy Adam Summer. 

I SEE MEATUS: SUBURBIA



"The urethra, which is the last part of the urinary tract, traverses the corpus spongiosum and its opening, known as the meatus, lies on the tip of the glans penis.  It is a passage both for urine and for the ejaculation of semen."

Having spent the better part of my formative years in the protective womb of an intimate suburban cul-du-sac, this inverted erection of sun-bleached sidewalk both arouses and terrifies.  Just like the narrow one-eyed oculus that welcomes both piss and cum into the world, Suburbia invites an indeterminate fluent void populated by familial exuberance and civic avoidance.   

Phew.  Creative writing summer school project DONE!  Image courtesy of BSD reader (and fellow suburbanite?) Shrader.

Monday, June 20, 2011

HUNGER, CIRCA 1982



Sometimes it just tastes better straight from the tap.   "Hunger" by creative team (and long-suffering couple) Gilbert and George.

COLBY AS FOODIE: SASSAFRAS SODA






After our urban foraging workshop, Kenny and I decided to head back to the woods and recover a much coveted sassafras sapling we discovered on the hike.  Root in hand, we hoped to make homemade soda.   With only our bare hands and a snow shovel it was a difficult job to say the least. . . but well worth it.  Add sassafras soda to a little home-brewed burdock root extract and you have a pretty good mixer.

A note of warning: in the 1960s the government declared the active ingredient in sassafras, "safrole" to be a carcinogen.  While many dispute this claim, it may be wise to listen to the Cherokee Indians who first introduced Sassafras to colonists: don't drink it for more than a week at a time. 




Sunday, June 19, 2011

RAINBOW WARRIOR


Rwrar!  Tap your inner lion and find your pride.

A special message from this years Baltimore Gay Pride sponsors: Colby Keller and the Fall/Winter 2012 collection of Walter Von Beirendonck.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

HUMILIATING BARBARELLA



Every hard days forage deserves a little processed food to sate the Gods of Capital (and restore balance to the Universe).  Kenny and I decided to satisfy our daily tithe at the local VFW hall for lunch.  After throwing back a couple of mid-day beers and polishing off a delicious pit beef sandwich, I marched into the men's room to claim my patriotic duty: unzip, aim, shoot!  Free speech ain't free (in this case, it cost two PBRs) . . . Poor Jane Fonda never saw it coming. 



ARTISTS I LIKE: STUART SANDFORD

In addition to his famous quote about fame, Andy Warhol said that in the future, everyone will make porn and their neighbors will watch it. And true to form, he was right. We're all devouring more and more amateur porn on sites like X Tube, PornoTube, Dudesnude and the like. And hell, one could even count the excessive amounts of kitty porn on YouTube.

Young artist Stuart Sandford from the UK is becoming widely known for his photographic,and video installation art and addresses this digitally communal approach to accessing and sharing porn by us and for us with his many video and photo projects, my favorite of which is suggestive of one of Warhol's original films, "Blowjob."


Sanford provides us (well, me specifically) with a reminder that we'd all like to see one person or another in a state of sexual bliss, with an unseen action possibly happening to the actor. And he digitally alters one of my favorite "fuck me" looks from Zack-attack himself from Saved By the Bell (my adolescent dreams come true) to make it look like Zack is getting a mind-blowing hummer. HOT!


Sanford also has a great series of photos called Cumface that do nothing but make you want more from the subject studs. Clearly he's fucking with us and reminding us that a significant amount of the amateur porn we consume is usually, despite being from another person as opposed to a porn company, is still anonymous and obscured. We usually see cocks and asses and sometimes torsos, but rarely faces as we're all to nervous of Wiener-like retribution. But how much hotter is the face at the point of climax? Who is that? Does he live in my city? Could I make it happen again? The images are awesomely suggestive. Enjoy and check out more from Sandford.





COLBY GONE WILD



Burdock leaf rain hat 

Accompanied by perennial BSD guest of honor Kenny, I fought off my natural inclination for sloth last Saturday, woke up extra eaaaarly, laced up my mud boots and hit the door for Baltimore's Druid Hill Park to attend a foraging workshop with Brooklyn-based botanist (and former professional ballet dancer) Leda Meredith

Its amazing how much food you can find in a city park (besides the occasional half empty 40): mug-wort, burdock, pokeweed, milkweed, may apples, wineberries and more. . .




Observant BSD readers may recognize this hand. . . here gently cupping wild black raspberries.  


After narrowly surviving a sudden downpour, Kenny suffered humiliation at the proboscis of one hungry mosquito.  You can see the bump on his forehead in the picture below.  Thanks to the natural numbing power of common plantain (an invasive species unrelated to bananas, also know as "white man's footstep" for its associated encroachment accompaniment: paleface), Kenny's itch found quick relief.



Kenny savaging lamb's quarters.