Wednesday, February 22, 2012

BIRDS AND BEES AND ASHEY KNEES



Take a good look boys and girls.  

At least for the near term, my beard days have come to a close.  I've decided to make two important sacrifices this Lent: facial hair and sex.  OK, so the sex part doesn't quite come so voluntarily.  The only time I seem to get laid these days is at work.  

I might as well make it mean something right?  

In addition to pleasing the Almighty (He IS a Jealous G-d), shaving my beard has presented its own unexpected perk.  I've had three close friends in the last week alone comment on how much weight I've lost!  Odd, since in every case I've gained weight (in muscle mass) from the last time I saw them.  Just by clipping my whiskers, I've shaved off 5 years and 20 pounds.  Who knew. 

Next step: manscaping.  Maybe I do have a six pack after-all!  It's just hiding beneath my prodigious belly fur. 

While surrendering my facial hair hopefully pleases the Man Upstairs, I'm not so sure how my sacrifice makes artist Justin Russo feel.  Russo recently completed this masterful portrait of me for his own series of drawings of boys (and men) with beards in the New York City area.  I don't tend to give myself much praise but DAMN!  Beautiful job Justin, a phenomenal memento to remember my hirsute youth.  

A special thank you to photographer Gustavo Monroy for graciously providing the source material.      

13 comments:

  1. You don't get laid outside of work?

    Sir I find that VEEEEEEEEEERY hard to believe.

    I'm excited to see how the facial hair abstinence turns out ;)

    -Reggie

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  2. I think it's pity that you're joining the rest of the shaved porn crew. I liked the "furry", it made you stand out and what opened my eyes for you. Not only that, but also the fact that you weren't that ripped. Your "imperfectness" is what makes you perfect. But it's good with change, so I will still be rooting for you.

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  3. AAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! say it ain't so! I really don't think HE would want it that way, after all his son had a nice beard. I say grow your hair long instead. Put down the clippers and back away.

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  4. NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. I have to agree with the rest. I love your furriness. But it is your body and you are the handomest colby around. So, just do it. But let us see!

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  6. I have an suggestion to share!

    Why don't you silk-screen that masterful drawing of yourself on T-Shirts and sweatshirts with the line: "Perfect Porn Portrait" underneath, and sell them? You could set the price at the going rate for such beauty. I'd buy one (or two)!

    Lots of love!

    Your biggest fan in KC!

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  7. I'm about to hold a memorial to your beard. Such a tragic loss.

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  8. If this is going for a vote, I'm with the "hair is better" party.

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  9. Colby's hair = perfection. Yup.

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  10. I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
    Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
    Oily, greasy, fleecy
    Shining, gleaming, streaming
    Flaxen, waxen
    Knotted, polka-dotted
    Twisted, beaded, braided
    Powdered, flowered, and confettied
    Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

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  11. Every time a hot guy shaves his chest, the baby Jesus rips a puppy's throat out with His teeth.

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  12. First the belly goes and now this? Mr Keller, are you trying to go all Sean Cody on us?
    The Mayan apocalypse draws nigh...

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  13. This makes me a sad panda. (I want pics)

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