Thursday, March 29, 2012

MORNING, WOOD: EATS, SHOOTS AND LEAVES

Has this happened to you? Lying in bed next to your paramour de jour, he (or she) notices your hardness and groggily murmurs, "Morningwood" in his best come-fuck-me voice. Only wait, was that "morningwood," a statement of awareness of the rigidity of your member in the forenoon hours? Or was it "Morning, Wood" a slight pause after the gerund suggesting a dayspring greeting to some unseen piece of personified wood, or even said rigid member under the covers?



Commas matter, as noted by many an English teacher and in publication by grammar nerd, Lynne Truss in the best-selling Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. But if you're a nerd and you attempt to explain why you're giggling so much about a simple acknowledgement of early morning arousal and you start talking about the perversion of punctuation and mention the title, Eats, Shoots and Leaves and describe the problem of the gun-happy panda bear, your paramour might counter with, "oh, i hooked up with EatsShootsAndLeaves off Manhunt the other night and yes, he did all three. But I don't remember him being a bear..."



And so it goes. Dropping (or adding) commas can add some spicy fun to any conversation, especially ones that are starting to bore you as much as this blog post. It can also take the lust out of any naked-in-the-bed situation. So what about you? Have any favorite comma mistakes or verb plays that added some excellently sexual meaning that wasn't originally intended? Or over-thought phrases that turned your lover from "on" to "off"? Please share or else I'll have my panda bear come shoot on your face and leave. Have you tasted Panda cum? Eeegads!

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