Tuesday, June 5, 2012

SPANDEX / LATEX: Derrière-a-Day 2

As part of Dale's trip along with AIDS LifeCycle, I will be conducting informal yet intimate interviews with participants on the state of their bums. And I'll be drawing portraits of their bums. 

Putin's is as big as a Nissan.
KING CITY - Putin is from NYC too (who isn't), is 34, and does marketing for movies. Like really big movies and stuff. He was the third-largest individual fundraiser from outside of California, bringing in $20,000 for the ride alone.

One word to describe your ass day? "SORE."

And why is that? "I've been riding a bike for a couple of days for the greater good. Ending the AIDS crisis. My ass is saving the world."

Can your ass do all that? "My ass is so fucking amazing, just... it's flavor, it just tastes really good, and that will save the world."

Is there another reason why you wish your ass was sore? "No, I'm not a bottom. It's been many years since that's been the case."

Who has the nicest ass? "There's a guy Doug who has a really nice ass and we've had this jokey flirty thing going on for a while, from going on training rides and whatnot. And I told him he has a really nice ass. So I slapped his ass every time I went by, and he would tell me how he loved it. Then yesterday he came back to the tent city area and was walking by me and he flashed his ass for me. It was a very nice, tan ass, and it has a lot of cushion and I definitely wanted to bury my face in it."

Is there a type of ass you prefer? "There's gotta be a little meat on there."

Is ALC good for that? "It's my favorite part of the ride--other than helping cure AIDS--the fact that I get to stare at asses in spandex all day."

Did you get ass last night? "No, but I did witness a lot of ass activity. Some close-by tent neighbors went to do end-of-the-night shit to get ready for bed, and I was standing outside my tent and then "J" walks over to me with some random dude and the random dude asked me if I had any water to brush his teeth. So yeah, I said 'true that,' and then the rando brushed his teeth in front of me, and then he and J went into the tent together. Then the tent started rockin' and then J's tent mate came home. His name is "X." I say, 'Hey, come over here a second. Let's talk,' and I think I complained about the the dessert, and then X said: 'Sweetheart, your desert is right here', with the finger running down the front of his chest and everything. And so I laughed."

Were you interested? "I wasn't, actually. He was really trying hard, and maybe if we weren't on the ride, it'd be a go. So then X said, 'I should go to bed now,' and I was like 'you should wait a minute. You can't go in the tent.' And then he finally turned around and noticed that his tent was a-rocking.

They must have been admirably quiet. "Yes, which makes me think it wasn't that good. Quiet isn't usually good. Even if you want to control the noise, you shouldn't be able to."

It can be helpful on the ride. "Yeah. And then X started yelling at the tent, saying like 'Oh my God' about 15 times and then 'No, no, no, not in MY tent on MY air mattress on MY sheets with MY comforter and MY pillows." And I was like 'I'm sorry, it's all happening there, right now.' And then X tried entering the tent 3 times and I was like 'Hang on, bro' and then finally X was like 'I'm going in,' and then he said 'HELLO? HELLO?' And he was knocking on the tent flap. And then X unzipped it to see... I don't know. I was hiding at this point. And then it was silent. But J popped out of the tent and looked at me just as I popped out of the tent and he gave me this annoyed look, and then the rando gave him a quick kiss and went out into the night."

Wow. "I have a feeling a good feeling tomorrow for me, though."

I wish you luck with that.

Dale doesn't get it either. But he does write about other things sometimes, and you can find them at the AIDS LifeCycle Experience blog. All these other people post stuff on there, too!

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