Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A LONG WAYS DOWN


With eyes on Jersey, Colby contemplates taking a leap. . . 

Haha.  Just kidding.  Happy Leap Year!  Use your extra day to jack off with me on Randy Blue Live!

COLBY KEEPS TIME



One . . . Two . . . Three . . . 29!  I love freebies, especially when they consist of that most precious thing of all: time.  Thanks to Pope Gregory XIII, we can all count on 24 extra hours of life this 2012.  I personally will spend my holiday making small leaps, skipping in a circle.  What about you?

Start off the festivities right, with this randomly slapped together mix of "time"less songs.  For every extra hour of the day, you get one song.  If you listen to the WHOLE thing, you may just get 24 centimeters.  ;-)  For those of you who can handle the math, it's true.  I grow an extra inch every Leap Day. 




1. "Waste of Time", by YACHT

2. "5 Years Time", by Noah and the Whale

3. "Better Times", by Beach House

4. "Time of the Season", by the Sweptaways

5. "Time That Bald Sexton", by The Danielson Familie

6. "Hit Me Baby One More Time", by a random assortment of Russian babushkas

7. "Every Time I Feel the Spirit", by Diana Ross & The Supremes

8. "Vowels = Space and Time", by Grimes

9. "It Takes Time to Be a Man", by The Rapture

10. "First Timer", by Elliot Smith

11.  "Train Time", by Forrest City Joe

12.  "In My Own Time", by Karen Dalton

13.  "We're Going to Live for a Very Long Time", by Heaven 17

14.  "The Time I've Had", by The Broadside Singers

15.  "Time to Pretend", by MGMT

16.  "Time After Time", by We Have Band

17.  "The Times They Are A-Changin', by Nina Simone

18.  "Run On For A Long Time", by The Blind Boys of Alabama

19.  "No Time", by The Juan MacLean

20.  "A Clock Without a C", by Barry Louis Polisar

21.  "Time of No Reply", by Nick Drake

22.  "Time After Time", by Chantal Chamberland

23.  "Rap O'Clock", by Plastic Little 

24.  "Long Time Gone", by Bachelorette

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

COLBY DOPPELGANGER: BUTTHEAD OF THE MONTH


BSD reader Fredo spotted this Colby Doppelganger in the back pages of Butt Magazine.  "Nick" (born 1989) lives in Chicago.  His profile simply reads: "Cool.  Calm.  Collected.  Okay, maybe I lied."

Nick can now claim "Butthead of the Month" AND honorary lil' bro status.  I think it might be time big brother does some belated babysittin'.  

I SEE AMERICA: BATMAN

 America the Rainbow: Soil Moisture Regimes of the Contiguous United States

Just in case Mitt Romney loses Michigan today and the GOP comes knocking at my door looking for a last minute replacement, the Colby Keller Campaign for President already has a slogan: Vote Colb: I C America.

A few nights back, in the middle of a pretty intense wank session on Randy Blue Live, I heard a strange noise outside my apartment window.  After a quick cumshot, I threw on my long johns and boots and went outside.  What should I discover bursting from my building's brick wall?  A freshly painted graffiti Batman: outstretched cape suspiciously resembling the contiguous United States. 

An omen perhaps?  Remember Colby: America sees you too.

Monday, February 27, 2012

RUB A DUB BUD


Rub a dub dub, three Buds in a tub (and one sad Colby).  Remember to wash behind your balls boys. 

BOYS WITH BEARDS: KEVIN LOVE'S ALL-STAR FACIAL HAIR

I'm sure most everyone was watching the Oscars last night and got to enjoy the beard of Director Michel Hazanavicius. But in case you flipped channels or are an avid sports fan, then you know the NBA strike led to an All Star conflict last night pitting the NBA East/West All Star Game against the Oscars. Now, we here at Big Shoe Diaries won't tell you which one we were watching, but as fans of all different types of beards, you can imagine that our thumbs (and wrists) are sore this morning. May we introduce you to Kevin Love? Uhm...I think he's a wolf.






Sunday, February 26, 2012

I SEE PENIS: SARAH PALIN'S ALASKA



Beautiful Wasilla has a lot to recommend it: unspoiled Alaskan wilderness, feisty showboat former governors and a fine tradition of brushed-steel sign art.  If your sign were this big you'd want to spend all day rubbing it too. 

I'm told by BSD reader Brian that the sign actually depicts a dog-musher and his team of Malamutes.  You be the judge.  ;-)

Saturday, February 25, 2012

VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN


When a local politician comes a'knockin', stoked for votes, Colby cums prepared with a ballot box and his own special mandate.  Watch gr-ass roots politics in action; Cast a vote for Colby.  Check out my latest skin flick: Neighborhood Rec Room by renown director Joe Gage.

I pop up at about the 2 min mark in the preview.    

A DEAD MORMON IS A GAY MORMON


While it looks like Mit Romney's chances of winning the presidency get slimmer every day, he's not dead yet.  When he finally does shuffle off his mortal coil, he better watch out.  A new website has a simple app that allows users to turn any dead Mormon gay for eternity.  The site riffs off the practice of "baptism for the dead", a Mormon sacrament that allows living church members to baptize the deceased.  The church notoriously incurred public condemnation for the practice after baptizing Jewish victims of the Holocaust, including famous "Diary" author Anne Frank

If you'd like to help the formerly living enjoy the posthumous pleasures of same-sex lovin' simply pick your favorite dead Mormon or click a random genealogy generator to do the trick for you.  Turn bones into boners HERE

 

Friday, February 24, 2012

HUNK WITH HANDLEBAR: BARRETT


As you might already know, blog reader Barrett enjoys doner kabob as a late night snack.  I personally enjoy spit roastin' my meat any time of day or night.  This "Stud with Scruff", and now "Hunk with Handlebars" (pictured above) grew up in Novia Scotia but currently calls Canada's largest city, Toronto, home.  He's a trained actor who loves comics, fantasy/historical fiction novels, biking and the outdoors.  He's also single.  So put on your tennies, pack up your camping gear, and grab your superman jockstrap.  Barrett wants to share his kabob with you.  ;-)



I SEE PENIS: DONER KABOB


Blog reader Barrett grew up in Hailfax where the late night specialty is doner kabob (also know as gyro, shawarma, or al pastor depending on the specific regional cultural cuisine in question: doner (Turkish), gyro (Greek), shawarma (Middle Eastern), al pastor (Latin American)).  On a recent trip home, he discovered this inspiring hunka' meat at a late night hot spot.  Obviously Barrett wasn't the only one with beef on the brain.

On a trip to visit an ex in Ontario, Barrett discovered a portable shaved meat kit in a local shop.  Not surprisingly, even rural Canadians loves their shaved meat stuffed in a warm pita.  And who wouldn't?

Pass the tzatziki!   

Thursday, February 23, 2012

KRYPTO-DISCO-NITE



Jealous much Mr. Disco Ball?

Redolent of twin 70s pop-phenomena "disco" and "Superman", sculptor Jonathan Armistead and fellow artist Scott Andrew built "Glimmer" to accompany their upcoming thesis shows.  Next month I'll have the great honor to sit on Jonathan's final graduate advisory committee at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh.  I offer only one request in return: that Jonathan produce a giant rotating crystal disco ball for my own tiny studio apartment in Baltimore.  I don't say this often, but it's OK if it's a little bit smaller.   

Both Jonathan and Scott share a queer aesthetic that blends pop culture references, sexuality and art.

Glimmer, according to Scott, "combines kinetic sculpture, video, and sound, by chronicling visions of the future through media from the past. The primary focus of this project involved the construction of a rotating mirrored crystal structure that is 6’ tall by 5’ in diameter. The crystal serves as a mash up between the crystal ball and a disco ball, by forecasting visions of the future in a setting that is referential to a dance floor. Four video projections reflect off of the crystal, enveloping the gallery in an optical swarm of video fragments that have the ability to cast viewers into a perceptual juxtaposition of meditation and nausea." . . . "See the future, not as a distant apocalyptic dystopia, but as a playful shimmering reality that you can shape."

Check out more of Jonathan's work HERE.

And more from Scott HERE.  

LOST AND GOTH


On my walk back from the gym early this morning a small piece of paper laying on the ground caught my attention.  It simply read "Party Van".  I flipped the piece of paper over, now badly damaged by countless tire treads and careless pedestrians, to discover that the note was, in fact, a photograph of a party van.  A survey of the small parking lot near my apartment revealed more overturned photographs.  Naturally, curiosity got the better of me.  Sometimes curiosity doesn't kill the cat, it keeps em in Friskies.  Gravy Sensations!  What a good find!

Until Found Magazine comes a'knockin', I can share my new found treasure with you here.

Finding these photographs is right up there with the time I accidentally stumbled on a Goth wedding in a local Baltimore park.  To set the appropriate mood, I also included a song from a CD I thrifted recently of music from Taiwan's indigenous minorities.   I was listening to the song when I found the photographs.  Oddly enough, they go nicely together.  Hit play and scroll down.







 




The party van

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

GIVE IT ALL UP, EXCEPT. . .


Top ten things to give up this Lent BESIDES Porn. 

1.  Cigs (there are plenty of fun substitutions).






2.  Late night snacks (try late night sex . . . or my favorite, celery). 



3.  Fried food (doesn't mean you need to give up finger licking).


4.  Church (unless you can handle the pews HERE). 


5.  Body hair removal (or in my case, body hair).  Either way, it's always fun to change things up.






6.  Sarcasm (Regale them with wit and wabbits instead).


7.  Soda (unless you call it pop).


8.  Biting your nails (cause a cheeky picture won't make this one any sexier, just a funny testimonial on CNN). 

9.  Tanning, cause no one wants this to happen to them:



10.  Drunk dialing your evil ex.  I, for one, find it much more gratifying to surrender my maturity.  I may just have to hold on to this one.  Gratification is exactly what Lent is about!  Right?     

BIRDS AND BEES AND ASHEY KNEES



Take a good look boys and girls.  

At least for the near term, my beard days have come to a close.  I've decided to make two important sacrifices this Lent: facial hair and sex.  OK, so the sex part doesn't quite come so voluntarily.  The only time I seem to get laid these days is at work.  

I might as well make it mean something right?  

In addition to pleasing the Almighty (He IS a Jealous G-d), shaving my beard has presented its own unexpected perk.  I've had three close friends in the last week alone comment on how much weight I've lost!  Odd, since in every case I've gained weight (in muscle mass) from the last time I saw them.  Just by clipping my whiskers, I've shaved off 5 years and 20 pounds.  Who knew. 

Next step: manscaping.  Maybe I do have a six pack after-all!  It's just hiding beneath my prodigious belly fur. 

While surrendering my facial hair hopefully pleases the Man Upstairs, I'm not so sure how my sacrifice makes artist Justin Russo feel.  Russo recently completed this masterful portrait of me for his own series of drawings of boys (and men) with beards in the New York City area.  I don't tend to give myself much praise but DAMN!  Beautiful job Justin, a phenomenal memento to remember my hirsute youth.  

A special thank you to photographer Gustavo Monroy for graciously providing the source material.      

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I SEE PENIS: ICE


For those of us in the northern hemisphere, winter is slugging along.  I don't know about everybody else but I'm ready for sunny days and hot nights. Blog reader Dimitris from Athens sent a good reminder about perserverance.  In Athens, on hot August days, summer revelers freeze bottles of water and drink from them throughout the day.  It's evidence that as long as you keep sucking on just about anything, you'll eventually get results.  So we'll keep on keeping on (while the Aussies and Argentines enjoy their summer) for a few more months 'til we're in the throws of summer again and need an ice penis pop just as badly as Dimitris' friend does in this photo.

Monday, February 20, 2012

OH LÀ LÀ INKED



There's no name I like saying more than artist and frequent BSD contributor Laurent Champoussin. Try it yourself-- it's a lot of fun! What a great surprise to find in my inbox at bigshoediaries@gmail.com a series of inked portraits of yours truly.

Drip!





I SEE PENIS: PONYTAIL


Thanks to BSD reader, Ivan for sending this picture of his friend along.  She constructed this masterpiece inadvertently during a lecture.  This makes me even more jealous of the long-haired people of the world...so much to work with!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

COLBY'S TUMBLER TUMBLR


Who isn't in love with tumblr.com? It's a great blogging platform with a heavy emphasis on photos and images and, at least from what I can tell, a host of engaged creatives who like to turn static images into animated gifs.  I've decided to tumble in a bit and have a series of photos of tumblers that I'll be posting over the next few months.  So if you like pics of porn stars in thrift stores perusing tumbler collections, you'll like my tumblr.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

KOKI-"COLBY"-GAMI: HEAD WOUND


Lil Colby has certainly seen his far share of "hard"ship.  After receiving a wicked sunburn this weekend (Baltimore's harsh winter sunshine can be brutal), Matthew from "Naked Pictures of Your Dad" blew lil Colby's brains out!  Or at least blew his load all over lil Colby's face, creating an inadvertent amalgam of man jam and LaserJet ink.  Somebody call a man-bulance!