Saturday, March 31, 2012

NEITHER A COLBY, NOR A PHOTOGRAPH



Blog reader, Keith found this excellent smoking Colby Doppelganger on a Yahoo Art News site featuring the work of artist Paul Cadden who does life-like drawings that look like photographs.  So, this Colby is neither a Colby, nor a photograph.  It's drawing of a doppelganger.  Check out more work by the artist.

PUBIC PINOCCHIO


Perhaps the worst/best tattoo ever.   I'd hate to see his chin.  

Friday, March 30, 2012

I SEE PENIS: BAIT AND TACKLE SALT SHAKER


Need some seasoning?  . . . Courtesy of artist Juan Betancurth.

KOKI-"COLBY"-GAMI: BLACK AND WHITE




I like a big challenge.  BSD reader Joe knows how to bring it.  Slather on as much KY as you can carry Joe, I'm holding on and not letting go.  ;-)

To make your own Colby Kokigami (courtesy of the brilliant artist J.Bone), simply click HERE and hit print.  Email your results to bigshoediaries@gmail.com

Thursday, March 29, 2012

GIVING HEAD


"You construct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men" --artist Barbara Kruger

From Rajvagyok via Pennis Ennui

MORNING, WOOD: EATS, SHOOTS AND LEAVES

Has this happened to you? Lying in bed next to your paramour de jour, he (or she) notices your hardness and groggily murmurs, "Morningwood" in his best come-fuck-me voice. Only wait, was that "morningwood," a statement of awareness of the rigidity of your member in the forenoon hours? Or was it "Morning, Wood" a slight pause after the gerund suggesting a dayspring greeting to some unseen piece of personified wood, or even said rigid member under the covers?



Commas matter, as noted by many an English teacher and in publication by grammar nerd, Lynne Truss in the best-selling Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. But if you're a nerd and you attempt to explain why you're giggling so much about a simple acknowledgement of early morning arousal and you start talking about the perversion of punctuation and mention the title, Eats, Shoots and Leaves and describe the problem of the gun-happy panda bear, your paramour might counter with, "oh, i hooked up with EatsShootsAndLeaves off Manhunt the other night and yes, he did all three. But I don't remember him being a bear..."



And so it goes. Dropping (or adding) commas can add some spicy fun to any conversation, especially ones that are starting to bore you as much as this blog post. It can also take the lust out of any naked-in-the-bed situation. So what about you? Have any favorite comma mistakes or verb plays that added some excellently sexual meaning that wasn't originally intended? Or over-thought phrases that turned your lover from "on" to "off"? Please share or else I'll have my panda bear come shoot on your face and leave. Have you tasted Panda cum? Eeegads!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

THRIFT FIND: RUSSIAN BOY GEORGE



On a recent trip to Unique, Washington DC's mammoth thrift emporium, I came across this curious little gem: Russian drag pop √† la Boy George.  If you're anything like me and don't drink coffee (I can't handle the bitterness), then you'll appreciate the following select tracks.  It's like five hour energy for your ears.

An extra special gift to any reader who can tell me more about the artist and why he's so damn happy. 



When you need to come down (as I inevitably did), try this number from another thrift find: "Relieve the Pains", sung by the Yekaterinburg Municipal Chamber Choir.


IN BED WITH YOURS TRULY



I SWEAR I'm not really an egotistical wanker.  I just wank to help!  And maybe make you laugh.

Manhunt Daily recently asked me to start a sex advice column.  Yesterday, they posted the first video on performance anxiety, something I know all too much about.  Would you believe I'm suffering through a pretty wicked bout just writing this post?

To watch the video, click HERE.  Please ignore the weird non sequitur grumble at the beginning.  It made sense at some point I swear.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I SEE PENIS: WORLD'S OLDEST PORN


Found by a Bedouin not far from Bethlehem, this small figurine, more than 11,000 years old, is the oldest know representation of a human couple having sex.  I see Penis, Booty, Boobies, and Vagina!  AND fucking!!  Leave it to irony that this humble statuette was discovered near a town famous for its pregnant virgins.   




"SEXUAL", NOW IN KALAALLISUT


Sound the bougie alarm!  I might finally get the chance leave the American continent this Summer!  A close friend needs a man-nanny to accompany her art history class to Berlin for a month-long Documenta-fuled study abroad.  While confirmation hinges on a threshold of students to put plan to action, I've already made a handful of German friends.  Bernhard from Berlin recently sent me a PDF of a publication he thought I'd appreciate.  With a printer low on ink and retinas prone to eye strain, I asked if I could buy a hard copy instead.  Bernhard in turn offered to send me a complimentary copy, provided I pay forward the normal price of the magazine (10 US dollars) to an unsuspecting stranger on the street.  I complied and so did Bernhard.

"SEXUAL" is just the kind of witty, smart publication I get into: pedagogy porn for the parietal lobe (though this visually preoccupied part of the brain probably handles porn your penis can appreciate as well).   Article topics include: a historical survey of sexuality as a discursive topic of study in Egyptology, the politics of homosexuality in post-colonial Arab countries, a copy of an Irish love letter from 1909 with a focus on female farting, illustrations of Inuit anal shenanigans and an homage to Bodil Joensen, aka "The Boar Girl", star of more than 40 pornographic films featuring a bevy of varied mammalian costars.  To get your own copy (albeit through a more traditional means of cash exchange), click HERE.     



Bodil Joensen, Porn star to the animals. 

 




Ancient Egyptian auto-erotica


M-F-M Transexual model Nino


"After fighting and boxing, they get tired and begin a new fight: two pieces of wood tied together by a cord, stuck into each fighter's asshole, the one getting the piece of wood pulled out first, looses." Stories and watercolours by Jens Kreutzmann (1828-1899), Greenland 

Monday, March 26, 2012

BOYS WITH BEARDS: TUMBLR


I might be keeping things clean-shaven for Lent but if "Boys With Beards" are your thing (and they are mine) you'll appreciate "Beards FTW!".  Here are but a few of my favorites:



















Thanks to BSD Reader A G "Ruff Trade" for passing this along my way. . . 

Sunday, March 25, 2012

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: FOUR SQUARE AND A SABBATH DAY


End your Sunday the right way, with a bedtime story from Colby Keller. . . . Chapter 4 of Larry Duplechan's "Eight Days a Week". 

Saturday, March 24, 2012

I SEE PENIS: FLORIDA LEGISLATURE


Try getting this legislative body past your second sphincter!!!

Friday, March 23, 2012

GUYS WITH GLASSES: JOSEPH NEEDS SOME NEW FRAMES


The International Committee on Adorkable (I.C.A.) has reconvened and as self-appointed chairperson I present to you GUYS WITH GLASSES cutie, and Big Shoe Reader, Joseph.  Joseph is also a photographer from Portland, Maine and he needs some help.  He's relied heavily on the same pair of sexy black frames for a few years and is ready to move on to something new.  I asked him if I could pose his query to the blog readership and he agreed to let me share his adorably bespectacled mug.  So, help us out with some constructive feedback on what direction Joseph should take next with his eyewear.  Sally Jesse Raphaels anybody? ;) 

 Colby in SJRs....grrrrrrr!


More from Sexy Joseph...

 



ILE D'YEU? YEAH I'LL DO YOU!!


Thanks to Big Shoe Reader Brett for this amazing find among a cluster of metal signs at a local thrift store.  To the trained Big Shoe eye, the sign of course reads "I'll Do You." YEAH YOU WILL!!  But to someone with access to Wikipedia, the sign also references a small island off the coast of France famous for its tuna a lobster fishing.  Ile d'You has a rich history: It was evangelized by Irish monks in the fourth century, ravished by Vikings in the ninth, monasticized in honor of St. Stephen in the 10th, and played host to sea-faring artist Jean Rigaud for many years in the early twentieth century.  A rich diversity summed up in one phrase by a dumb American porn star, "I'll do you....huh huh huh."