Thursday, May 31, 2012

MORE MONEY HONEY



. . . Cause you just can't have enough.  This artful batch of cash comes from BSD reader Michael in Glendale, California.

Submit your own Colby Cash to bigshoediaries@gmail.com. There may just be a present in it for you.  ;-)

BEFORE ORGIES, GET YOUR HEART CHECKED OUT!



A Georgia man recently died during a threeway with another man and a woman (not his wife).  All well and good assuming the wife was on board with their arrangement, but what an embarrassing phone call that must have been.  So, get your hearts checked people...and don't go to this doctor.

I SEE PENIS: BOTANICAL BONER


Big Shoe Reader Kiff sent along this awesome cactus penis from the Huntington Library Botanical Garden in San Marino, California.  Now that's a pokey penis!  The Garden's blog has a great little video of the "garden in motion" embedded here on Big Shoe Diaries.  Too bad they didn't catch this big guy in action for us...

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I SEE PENIS: ROCK ON TRAIL


Twitter-friend Matt Blank (@msbutah) spied this little gem on a hike, presumably somewhere near Salt Lake City.  I wish I knew more about rocks so that I could say something about how it's physical composition might have some insight into how it got shaped like that, but alas all I can say is I SEE PENIS.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

TO PEE OR NOT TO PEE: A DOG NAMED HAMLET

You know that moment right before you leave the house?  Should I pee now?  Should I pee when I get there?  It can be a sticky dilemma.  Well, you're not alone and now you can experience a doggie-style version of Hamlet's soliloquy as performed by Hamlet the Dog.  The Doggie owners are "friends of Colby's" and this pooch's pee pondering is about to go viral.


HUNKS WITH HAIR, BOY WITH BEARD: MEN AT WORK


If only I had curly brown hair I might stand a shot at playing "lucky Pierre" for this tweedy twosome. Argyle socks might also cum in handy.  A boy can dream. . .

London-based fashion models Eli Griffiths and Max H. pose for Wonderland Magazine and photographer Toby Knott.










Monday, May 28, 2012

SICKS HUNDREAD BUCKS



Is there really anything I can say to make these funnier than they already are? 

If anything, my bright red face right now makes a great compliment to the pea-green backdrop, and I'm definitely NOT pea-green with envy.  Props to BSD reader Bobby J. for making me laugh and cringe in the same moment.

To illicit a similar (or distinct) emotion in yours truly, send your own Colby bucks to bigshoediaries@gmail.com.  Exchange your moolah mois for a DVD or underwear from N2N Bodywear.  

    

ANDRE AGASSI FETISH


Finally!  A reason to like tennis.  

 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

UNICOIN



If Lisa Frank and Colby Keller were in charge of the National Mint this is what our currency would look like.  Thank you BSD reader Brian for having the vision and temerity to imagine a perfect world . . . glitter unicorns and all. 

Create your own fiduciary funk parade and receive a DVD of yours truly.  Submit your Keller cash creations to bigshoediaries@gmail.com.




EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: CHAPTER 11


If only I could file Chapter 11 every week. . . Sigh.

This weeks notable quot appears on page 56: "Coach's big, long-toed feet were bare, the chest I'd longed to view was suddenly visible to me; and he was, it seemed, even more splendid in the flesh than in my wild teenage imaginings."

Right on schedule, Chapter 11 of Larry Duplechan's "Eight Days A Week":

Saturday, May 26, 2012

ONE STIFFY = 8 CENTS


Though my doctor/CPA warned me about accepting new deposits, thank God BSD reader José has a stiffy to spare.  My account with the Spank Bank is maxed out!

To contribute your own cash injection, send Keller cash to bigshoediaries@gmail.com.  I have a heap of DVDs ready for your perusal.  

BOY WITH BEARD: JOSHUA MADDOX WELLINGTON


Joshua Maddox Wellington lives in Melbourne, Down Under.  

A mature 23, Joshua recently added nearly 3 stones (that's 15 kgs, or a whopping 33 pounds of muscle!).  Before you get too worried for Joshua's health, you should know he gained the weight intentionally-- for art's sake of course.  

Joshua is a burlesque dancer and performance artist.  In his most recent performance, +SEBASTIAN+, Joshua plays three characters: Sebastian, the martyr and saint, Sven; a Swedish heavy-metal sex pig; and Syrus, "the sinister and melodramatic one".  In addition to +SEBASTIAN+, Joshua is currently working on a new performance based on the life of 70s serial killer Ted BundyUsing as inspiration The Knife’s 2010 opera about Charles Darwin "Tomorrow, In a Year", Joshua hopes to redefine burlesque in a way that continues to embrace a strong senses of sexuality while at the same time interrogating the neurotic and psychologically unsettling nether-regions of human behavior.

If you need any more inspiration for the role Joshua, I highly recommend "Jeff", a documentary/dramatic recreation of the life of gay serial killer and cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer.  The films juxtaposes some of the more quotidian banalities of Dahmer's day-to-day life-- as a soft spoken Midwestern boy with a job at the chocolate factory-- and the effect his gruesome crimes had on a close neighbor, the Milwaukee medical examiner and the principal interrogator involved with the case.  Plus, the actor who plays Jeff, Andrew Swant, directed 2007's Youtube hit "What What (In the Butt)".




Friday, May 25, 2012

COLBY'S BLOW-OUT SALE!


Have you ever wanted to own a piece of Colby?  If you live in the Baltimore area, look no further.  Your opportunity has arrived.  Swing on by tomorrow from 12-3PM for the ultimate porn performer garage sale.  To help pay for my upcoming trip to Berlin, I gathered together a shit ton of music, magazines, books and a few old hoodies to sell . . . and one used copy of Final Cut 5.  You may even luck out with a "mystery box" or framed taxidermy fruit bat.   

Bargain bin prices on Lovegrove Alley, between Biddle and Preston.  12-3PM.  Cum one, cum all. 



COLBY AS GREENBACK


Hamilton, Franklin, Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Jackson, Grant. . . Keller.

BSD reader Mike knows how to throw an orgy.  And some people say I'm a no-count!

 

Hoyt Axton sings "Greenback Dollar"

For his ingenious use of American currency, Mike will receive an autographed copy of "Tales from Last Summer".  To get your own copy, submit your version of Keller cash to bigshoediaries@gmail.com.







COLBY CALLS COLLECT: TRIPLE X TRIPLETS


Thanks to Twitter follower Seán Collins from St. Louis and a handful of Sacagawea golden dollars, a bank of outdated phone booths in the basement of the National Gallery in Washington DC, transforms magically into a Colby clone machine.  Leave your cell phones at home.  Triumviratus aeternum!



Thursday, May 24, 2012

SUCCESS - SECESSION - SUCCESSION


BSD reader Dan has had it. 

Currently a citizen of the Commonwealth of Australia, Dan would like to carve off his own special section of the continent-nation and secede.  Given the opportunity, I would grace his new nation's currency.  Before the Australian authorities get too worried, "secession" can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people.  To the Vienna Secession it's about art and freedom, clearly exemplified by their motto: "Der Zeit ihre Kunst. Der Kunst ihre Freiheit" (To every age its art, to art its freedom).  A movement and a building, Vienna Secession's HQ maintains an active gallery space.  Famous gaudy-"erotic" painter Gustav Klimt once called himself a member. 

"Succession" on the other hand has nothing at all to do with secession (in fact its a completely different word).  In ecology, the term "succession" describes the process in which communities of organisms become established and later replaced by new, typically more stable communities.  Succession can be initiated by a disturbance in the ecosystem, such as a fire or logging, and nature’s process of restoration regenerates the land – building soil, nutrients, diversity and water retention. 

"Succession" can also simply describe the process whereby one thing proceeds another, as in presidential succession.  To give form to parlance, may I present two more "succeeding" images, courtesy of Australian secessionist and fan, Dan:
  



To submit your own secessionist specie, submit your bills to bigshoediaries@gmail.com.

PLEBES NO MORE


It's that time of year again.  Freshmen at the US Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, are wrapping up their first year.  To celebrate their new institutional status, "plebes-no-more", students climb to the top of the Herndon monument, a 21 foot obelisk covered with 50 pounds of lard.  The monument honors the memory of Captain William Lewis Herndon who, on September 12, 1857, decided to go down with his ship during a brutal storm.  

Naval cadets have climbed the monument every year since 1940.  The first man (or woman) to the top crown Herndon with a dixie cup "hat".  According to Wikipedia, "It is a Naval Academy tradition that the midshipman who replaces the dixie cup hat will be given a pair of admiral's shoulder boards. Legend says that he or she will be the first of his or her class to make Flag Rank, although in reality this has not yet occurred."