I had a dream last night where I was accidentally cast as a fashion model in a runway show. I wore a hat with two big orange feather and pants that didn't fit. Any armchair psychologists out there who can tell me what that means?
Fresh off my pan-American spanking tour, fellow Randy Blue performer Dale Cooper contributes this erotic quiz based on his recent reading of Friedrich Nietzsche's classic "Thus Spake Zarathustra".
Test your knowledge of the classics with your knowledge of classic porn. For the answer key, check out Dale's blog, Dale Does Porn.
Quiz: "Thus Spake Zarathustra" Chapter Title or Pornographic Film?
1. The Great Longing
2. Out of Service
3. Dark Dreams
5. Market of Flesh
6. The Ass-Festival
7. Seven Lives Exposed
8. Daughters of Discipline
9. Among Daughters of the Desert
10. Boys in the Sand
11. A Few Good Men
12. The Ugliest Man
13. The Surprise of a Knight
15. Manly Prudence
16. Centurions of Rome
17. Beads from a Petal
18. The Honey Sacrifice
19. Strange Places, Strange Things
21. Angel Guts
22. Violated Angels
23. Old and Young Women
24. Joys and Passions
25. In the Happy Isles
26. Involuntary Bliss
27. Slave Widow
28. Behind the Green Door
30. Let Me Tell Ya 'bout Black Chicks
I've finally worked my way back home from a summer of fun and travel: Berlin. . . New York. . . Vancouver. . . New York. . . Chicago. . . Minneapolis. . . Billings. . . Seattle. . . Vancouver. . . New York. . . . . . Baltimore.
Phew! A special gigantic thank you to BSD Minister of Propaganda Karl Marxxx for helping me set up spanking stations across the country and for managing to squeeze in a few posts while I've been gone. Without his help, I'd be stuck in the desert with a paddle with no name.
Republicans should just start making gay porn already. Oh wait, they already do.
Though Republican Congressman, Christopher Lee has resigned from his post after Gawker.com leaked shirtless photos the married 40-something sent to a Craigslist paramour claiming he was a single 39 year old (aren't we all 39 years old and 9 inches online?), he needn't apply for that big government unemployment check just yet.
We would like to offer him a role in a new Big Shoe Diaries porn production featuring Republican leaders sucking and fucking each other 'til the revolution cums. Featuring Colby Keller in his porn directorial debut, we hope to add to the cast the litany of Republican leaders who lean on their hot bodies when their policy falls short.
We envision Lee as a top daddy in a scene with fellow shirtless exhibitionists who have already been paid to make gay porn, Paul Ryan and Aaron Shock (like their gay publicists don't know that gay men masturbate to men's health magazine and that PDX infomercial).
Paul "he sets the agenda" Ryan is clearly a bottom and Christopher "I won't disappoint" Lee is definitely going to top both studs in the opening scene, but we are hoping Aaron "muscle worship" Schock can get hard enough for a Lucky Pierre. Releases Election Day 2012.
And even if it turns out Schock shocks us all by being straight, it's ok because you can't get gay pregnant when the rape is the forced kind of rape versus the kind of rape you enjoy. That's like standard Republican abortion science, duh!
Big Shoe Reader, Bryan sent this gem our way. Who hasn't looked at a thermometer-themed fundraising chart and thought to themselves, "I can't wait for that big shaft to blow through the top!" Don't we all imagine a cum shower of donated funds erupting from the tip once we've all chipped in? Well, the folks in his office must either be dark-sided or slightly naive, 'cause this one just screams I SEE PENIS! Heck, I'm willing to donate just out of respect for the craftsmanship and I can't even read the charity's name.
DildosfornonforciblerapesofRepublicanLeaders.org? I'm in for $50!
"It was bigger than a breastick. It was hotter than July. It was pinker than a plastic flamingo on a San Fernando Valley lawn. It demanded attention like the neon sign over a Las Vegas porno mart. It looked like fun." --p. 94
By far the best description of an erection I've ever read! Chapter 22 of Larry Duplechan's "Eight Days a Week":
"I almost zoned out during Colby’s excellent advice, because he looks
so fucking cute in his yellow top and tousled hair. Goddamn, looks and
smarts. AND HE DOES PORN SO YOU CAN WATCH HIM FUCK. What did you do to
deserve this? Easy, you read Manhunt Daily.
You and your partner/boyfriend/fuckfriend/what have you decide you want
to open up the game and let another player onto the field. Where do you
start? You can do what me and my partner did one time. We got super
drunk and went back to some jerk’s house and let’s just say we couldn’t
get out of there fast enough. Dude had Dahmer-vibe and also – cats.
There’s got to be an easier (and safer) way, right? Luckily you got in bed with Colby Keller!
- J. Harvey
The press is all a twitter about last year's skinny dipping in the Sea of Galilee by Republican Congressman Yoder but what we want to know is. . . Where are the photos? And also, back off Congress, this being naked business is our thing!
On our final stop on the Colby Keller and Karl Marxxx Do America Tour, we were hosted by the lovely DJ Nark of Nark Magazine at the Seattle Eagle for a lively night of spanking, good music and. . .more spanking. I even offered up my paddle to get spanked by local drag celebrity! All the spanking stations on the tour were so fun and we hope to host another Spanking Station in a town near you very soon. . .ripples, ripples, ripples.
We spent an entire week on the road in hopes of finding a penis-shaped cloud. Although we were unsuccessful on that front, this front that rolled through as we approached Billings, Montana gave us a perfectly shaped beaver cloud and we took it as a sign. What better spirit animal for Big Shoe Diaries than a mammal that chews up big wood and alters the environment around it more than any other animal (excluding carbon chomping humans of course).
If you're in NYC this week, "friend of Colby" and artist, Victor G. Jeffreys II has a show in Chelsea that you'll want to check out. It features cum rags as art, something we at Big Shoe Diaries definitely know how to appreciate. Use items as art covered in cum??? That's right down our alley. There is an opening reception on Tuesday, August 21st from 6pm - 9pm. Enjoy!
I have a vague recollection of this being posted to BSD as an I SEE PENIS before but I couldn't resist snapping a couple photos of these cock-shaped couches en route back east after the epic Big Shoe Diaries westward adventure. Returning to my roots in more ways than one. . .
If you are in Seattle tonight, please head out to the evil for an awesome party that includes a spanking station from Colby Keller, some go go finesse (if you're nice) from Karl Marxxx and tunes from DJ NARK! 10pm at the Eagle.
What could possibly be little and big at the same time. . . Oh I know!
Found this funny card on the Rosebud reservation in South Dakota and he helped make my little horn big. Today we're off to see the site of the Battle of the Greasy Grass (aka the Battle of Little Big Horn or if you're partial to the pale face, that bastard Custer's "Last Stand"). Sit down already, Mary, right?
The battleground is located in Crow Agency, the headquarters of the Crow Nation Reservation in Montana. Unfortunately, we will miss Crow Fair, the largest gathering of American Indians in the United States but I hope to score some fry bread and spit on the monument to "the Man" and his "last stand."
"When Keith did finally take old Snarfle in hand, my old boy threatened to shoot the works right off the bat. I sucked in a couple of deep breaths and began reciting my times tables silently to myself. I'd gotten as far as 2-times-2-is-tootie-two , when Keith slurped me right down his throat. I moaned a long descending octave. I was in the hands -- so to speak -- of an expert.
Yes! Finally sex! Chapter 21 of Larry Duplechan's "Eight Days a Week":