TWO ZERO ONE THREE

Happy New Years from the Big Shoe Crew: Colby Keller and Karl Marxxx. . .  

. . . Boners!

ARTISTS I LIKE: LYMAN WHITAKER

Known for Black Mountain, the Biltmore and downtown Art Deco buildings, Asheville's art scene needs little introduction. Called "hippie art" by some, you can't help but be impressed by the many relationships made objects have with nature here. Who doesn't want to go for a nice stroll through a metal forest?

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: GEVURFENHEIT

"My dick was so hard it hurt; whether from the mental residue of my dirty dream or from the sight of Brian's genitals dangling over my face like the perfect present on the Christmas tree, who could say?"

--p. 147

Chapter 38 of Larry Duplechan's Eight Days a Week:

BOYS WITH BEARDS: Hipster or Muslim?

James Harden plays basketball professionally but he could easily quit his day job and join the reality tv cast of Bears Wars to give Jack Passion a run for his money. We wanted him on our team so we could pass his hot beard to you. He shoots. He scores!

LAST MINUTE ROAD TRIP: HELLO SOUTH FLORIDA!!!

Do you like palmettos? We do. The boys from Big Shoe Diaries just finished a grueling 20 hour drive from the Northeast to South Florida. We had a few minutes to take some great photos that you'll be seeing in the next few days but the last minute "work" trip was a blur. But now we're here and want some recommendations. Any sights, sounds, smells to suggest between Hobe Sound and Miami???

TWO AERONAUTS OF THE IMAGINATION

May your Christmas be free of accidents and law enforcement (unless you're married to a cop, in which case HOT). Jingle Bells, ET smells, Santa Keller laid an egg.

Photo courtesy of "Boy with Beard" Bill Arning.

THE LAST SNOW EATER

While I won't get to experience a "White Christmas" this year (I leave for a road trip to Miami this afternoon), at least I get to enjoy a "White Christmas Eve"-- provided I don't eat all the snow first.  

I hopped out of the gym in my shorts to discover. . . icy cold flakes!  Yum.   

Merry Xmas yall.  

COLBY PORTRAIT: ERIK HANSON

I had the great honor recently to sit for a portrait by artist Erik Hanson.  Along with "Boy with Beard" Bill Arning, Erik and I have spent the last several days on an art gallery marathon around New York City.  Today's agenda: the Scent exhibit at MAD (Museum of Design).  I haven't had a chance yet to visit Erik's studio to see my portrait in progress, so Erik forwarded the painting above and a sketch to share.  I don't say this about myself often. . . BEAUTIFUL!

 

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: BEE-JAY

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said, would you like me to--"

"I -- uh.  What?  Here?"

Now I like a good bee-jay as much as the next fella, and this was hardly my very first offer, but there was something about being so brazenly propositioned by this willowy little number in the white dress that caught me quite off guard.

"Whatsa matter, Honey?"  he said, tickling my throat with his make-up brush.  "Cat got your tongue?"

--p. 138, 139

Meet Debbie Harry, Chapter 37 of Larry Duplechan's Eight Days A Week:

TUNES FOR THE END OF THE WORLD. . .

Well, it didn't happen. . . another reprieve for Armageddon/apocalypse/zombies and other world-ending calamities.  But, that doesn't mean we can still dance like it's the end of the world.  Here's some apocalyptic tuneage for your world-ending naked dance party.

  

I SEE PENIS: EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS

During the holidays, I miss my home state something awful.  But thanks to Big Shoe Reader, Daulton I can now appreciate Texas' beauty and its propensity for big balls and buildings.  Everything truly is bigger in Texas.  Big Shoe, Big Balls, Big Buildings, Big. . .

I SEE PENIS: WINDOW GEL

Penis window gels mimicking holiday colored lights.  What will we think of next.

I SEE PENIS courtesy of BSD reader Adam.

BOYS WITH BEARDS: GIRLS

If you don't know artist Carroll Dunham from his famous penis portrait paintings (see below), you may know his wife, photographer Laurie Simmons and if you don't know Carroll or Laurie, you might know their daughter Lena Dunham (creator of the HBO series Girls).  Father Dunham's recent series of controversial paintings have caused some to question his appraisal of the female form.  What's that saying about jokes and flattery?  Or is that imitation?  Either way, I see in man the muff.  Judge for yourself:

A sample from Carroll Dunham's phallic phase:

Read Dunham discuss his recent body of work HERE.  

  

I SEE PENIS: CAMEL TOE?

While we often associate camel toes with humankind's other genitalia, it's easy to see testicles and the beginnings of a shaft in this quite literal print by artist Mark McGinnis.  

TWELVE DICKCIPLES

When the shopping stampedes finally recede one solid fact will remain-- the undeniable reason for the season: one Mr. Jesus the Christ, who gave his spotless life for your sins.  Which begs the question: did Jesus ever get a boner?  Who, if any One at all, inhabited the Lamb of God's pristine wet dreams?  Certainly his twelve disciples popped wood on occasion?  Ever wonder what their boners may have looked like?

Artist and fellow MICAn Lathan Vargason contemplated just such an idea with his drawing "Yonic Second Coming of Christ with Dicks and Goats".  Just the thought of a stud that can cum twice gives me a semi, not to mention the Savior of mankind.  In anticipation of that glorious moment, let's remember the twelve perfectly corruptible disciples and countless cocks to follow that helped spread the Word.  Tis the season.

If "Second Coming" got you excited, you may appreciate the rest of Lathan's ironic-erotic body of work.  Look for a Colby portrait coming soon.

  

HO HO HO!!! HAPPY HORNY HOLIDAYS!!!

Still looking for that perfect XXX-mas gift.  Look no further than this, horny reindeer manage a trois holiday sweater.  Perfect for impressing the in-laws. . . or keeping them away.  At the very least you'll get your point across. . . or in.

BIGSHOE TUNES: I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU DONGO

As a special thank you to the two generous BSD readers to send me Hanukah gifts (even though I'm not officially Jewish) and all the rest of you who take the time out of you day to read my humble blog, I compiled a short playlist to demonstrate my undying gratitude.

Every time I go to LA, I scour the discount dollar bin at Amoeba on Sunset Boulevard for buried treasure.  I'm open-minded and eclectic enough to appreciate almost anything, though I still manage to  score mostly junk.  At one point in time, I intended to do a playlist after each trip back from LA, but never seemed to find the wherewithal.  It takes quite a bit of work and I'm almost certain no one would ever listen.  For those that might, this is a good one.

Among my many treasures this trip: an album of tongue-in-cheek Holocaust hits by famed French crooner Serge Gainsbourg, a post-ironic punk-pop Japanese girl group named Ni Hao!, Okinawa's very own Souckichi Kina and the Champloose (I already owned this album but decided to buy the Japanese import as a gift.  If you don't know Okinawa's famous American rock/Japanese hybrid sound or Souckichi Kina, famed folk musician and political activist, I firmly recommend a thorough introduction), some great 80's German and South African hits including an album by one of my all-time favorites, The Mahotella Queens, even a French rendition of my de-facto theme-song "Greenback Dollar".  Oh yeah, I also picked up an album by noted homophobe and beauty queen Anita Bryant.  If you haven't come to the conclusion already, I recommend this playlist best served baked.

I will always love you Dongo.  Happy Holidays!

 

1. Anita Bryant: "A' Sleeping at the Front of the Bed"

2. The Mahotella Queens: "Umthakathi (Witch Doctor)"

3. Shouckichi Kina and Champloose: "Shimaguwa Song"

4. Ni Hao!: "Fujiko"

5. Theodore Bikel and the Pennywhistlers: "Kaloda Duda"

6. Die Lassie Singers: "Mein Freund Hat Mit Mir Schluß Gemacht"

7. Serge Gainsbourg: "Yellow Star"

8. Steve Kekana: "Makhombo"

9. Les Missiles: "Sacré Dollar

10. Mbongeni Ngema: "Jazz's Love Song"

DESIGNER DICKS

What could be more luxurious than a big beautiful slab of man-meat?

LA-based artist and graphic designer Venfield 8 parodies the omnipresent banality and pornographic soft-pedaling endemic to any major-label luxury brand aesthetic in his series "Designer Dicks".  Throw in an erection, paste on a label, and voilà: all that sexy status shiznit reveals its true face: the evanescent gaze of a one-eyed, blood-filled booty-snatcher with one thing on its mind.    

See more work by Venfield 8 HERE.