HELICOCKTER

Say what you will about Russia's near-dictatorial President, Prime Minister and former KGB officer Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, his supporters certainly know how to intimidate the opposition creatively.  In addition to the usual tactics-- brutal beatings, political arrests, public shaming-- members of the pro-Putin "anti-Fascist" fascistic youth group Nashi have also been seen shitting on the cars of questioning journalists and deploying flying dildo during presentations by opposition politicians.  Beats the Gulag right?

To learn more, check out the documentary Putin's Kiss.

 

FORE HARM

"Forearm" by Swarvo from SLK - The Lost Tapes:

 

BUTT I'D LIKE TO MUNCH: ASICS TRAINERS

A narrow fellow in the grass

Occasionally rides;

You may have met him,--did you not,

His notice sudden is.

The grass divides as with a comb,

A spotted shaft is seen;

And then it closes at your feet

And opens further on.

He likes a boggy acre,

A floor too cool for corn.

Yet when a child, and barefoot,

I more than once, at morn,

Have passed, I thought, a whip-lash

Unbraiding in the sun,--

When, stooping to secure it,

It wrinkled, and was gone.

Several of nature's people

I know, and they know me;

I feel for them a transport

Of cordiality;

But never met this fellow,

Attended or alone,

Without a tighter breathing,

And zero at the bone. 

A Narrow Fellow in the Grass by Emily Dickinson

I SEE PENIS: THAI RESTAURANT

Where else?  Bangkok.

Courtesy of BSD reader Tim, yes, alllllll the way from Thailand!

IT'S ALL DOWN HILL FROM HERE

And you didn't think I had any talents!

. . . I wear a mean elf hat.

COLBY AS CHAC-MOOL

On a recent trip to New York City, I found myself in the northern end of Central Park where a sacrificial altar just screamed my name.  And here I give myself to you, fellow Mayans (read: porn aficionados), that we might have rain (read: lube) and bountiful crops (read: hard dicks), stomachs full of Maize (read: cum) and healthy children (read: age of consent). Don't put all your eggs in one basket.  I can only deliver so much.  Lucky for you the Mayans had plenty of gods and you have plenty of porn stars to choose from. . .

COLBY DOPPELGÄNGER: MINI COLBY

On a recent walk through the beautiful northern end of NYC's famed Central Park, I found a curious muscle toy that seems to have been left behind by the Big Shoe Gods... A Colby Doppelgänger!!!

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: BULK OF THE LOAD

""Heart of Glass" began to play and even more dancers squeezed onto the already jammed-up dance floor.  A long tall dude the color of a Hershey's semi-sweet bar strode over to where I stood.  He had cheekbones clear up to his temples and the whitest smile I had ever seen.  He was shirtless, and as long-muscled as a greyhound, every ripple in his chest and stomach accentuated by the party lights and a sheen of sweat.  His levis hung precariously low on his slim hips, inviting the eyes downward toward a bulge that was, to say the least, impressive.  I thought, "wow.""

--pp. 168-169

Chapter 45 of Larry Duplechan's Eight Days a Week:

COLBY WANTS TO PUT OUT THE FIRE. . .IN DONNY WRIGHT'S LOINS!!!

COLBY TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!

Apparently, one of my fellow porn actors, Donny Wright has a need he can't get met (in the legal senses of the phrase).  Donny Write of Next Door Studios was caught by firemen after breaking into a Fire Department's FireHouse in Kentucky after allegedly breaking a window, entering the building and reportedly masturbating onto the firemen's gear.

I have just one thing to say to you, Mr. Wright. . . HOT!  And if you ever need to play fireman dress up, this time legally, I have a fireman's helmet and I will not have you arrested when you masturbate onto the faceguard.

If anyone knows Mr. Wright, please have him get in touch with me.  There couldn't be a better opportunity of Warholian life imitating art and I have some fires I'd like to put out with him.

MANILA MANILLA COMPUTER COMMITTEE

 

Who would have guessed that along with the usual offenders red and pink and white "manila" would find a place of prominence in this year's Valentine's Day celebration (at least as far as such a seemingly inconsequential color irregularity could conform to my own constituent experience). 

In addition to BSD reader Chad's manila-themed prezzie, BSD reader Tom McM.'s lovely gift included a print of a photograph, Corpus Christi, he submitted to the 2011 Jackson, Michigan Artprize (with a certificate of sorts to prove it) stashed protectively in a manila folder marked "Computer Committee".   

Corpus Christi, by Tom McM.

To see more of Tom's work consult the disclosed certificate of authenticity: http://reddragonstudio.blogspot.com-- Tom's blog on all things "artsy-fartsy".

COLBY WAS HERE. . . WASN'T HE?

 

BSD reader Chad also sent in a gift of sorts this week . . . a gift for himself.  Shhhh.  Stop your hissing.  No problem with that!  Tucked inside an large manila envelope, I discovered a nicely hand-written note (with tidy cursive handwriting alternating direction every other line), a photo for me to autograph and a type-written questionnaire (from a form letter?). 

I think I know an art project when I see one.  

Either way, I'm honored and happy to comply Chad.  I'll even share my answers with all of you.

Read between the lines people: FEED ME!

   

ROBERT E. I LOVE THEE

Somebody loves me.

Really loves me!

And that someone . . . is Robert E.

Tired and exhausted from a delayed 2am train trip across the Eastern seaboard, I trudged home a few days ago after a long weekend in the Big Apple to discover a giant (GIANT!) box blocking my front door step.  As giddy as a little girl at miniature horse ranch, I ran inside, cut open the packing tape and discover four (FOUR!) beautiful art books:

The Painting Factory, Abstraction After Warhol

Wade Guyton OS (the catalog from the recent Wade Guyton retrospective at the Whitney)

Massimo Scolari: The Representation of Architecture

and

Oblique Drawing: A History of Anti-Perpective, also by Massimo Scolari


Top picks from my Amazon Wish List, Robert E's tremendous Valentine's box brought warmth to my heart and blood to my brain . . . err penis. . . err brain.

In return, a belated V-Day missile in honor of Robert E.

I love thee.

(Don't stare too long at your present or you may get a seizure)

I SEE TESTICLES: GUY FIERI'S SIGNATURE BIG BALLS

Food celebrity Guy Fieri's new Time Square restaurant hasn't done much to impress the critics.  Even if you don't find yourself in the habit of reading restaurant reviews, this scathing bit from NY Times writer Pete Wells is well worth a peek.  To add insult to injury, someone recently bought the domain name for Fieri's restaurant and posted a satirical menu poking fun at Fieri's ridiculous course descriptions.

My favorite shouldn't surprise, "Guys Big Balls":

Read the entire menu HERE.  

DRAG QUEEN OR COMMIE LIBERATOR?: PATRICE LUMUMBA

Patrice Lumumba

One of the beauties of writing your own blog is that you can write just about anything.  The Congo doesn't have much to do with porn, gay sex, or penises (unless you count the Belgian crown and 80 years of colonial control-- 23 years of which included brutal nation-wide enslavement-- as one giant DICK).  The Democratic Republic of the Congo (formerly Zaire) is the second largest country in Africa and the 11th largest in the world.  Only in Africa could a war that has claimed nearly 5.4 million lives since 1998 go virtually unnoticed in the West.  Some of the violence stems all the way back to independence, when Leftist leader Patrice Lumumba was assassinated with the help of the CIA and replaced by the ego-maniacal and equally flamboyant dictator Mobutu Sese Seko, whose full, self-imposed title: Mobutu Sese Seko Kuku Ngbendu wa Za Banga means "The all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake".  Which is all to say, despite the horrible historical consequences, both men had otherwise great   drag names.

I mention the Congo, first because I have a long standing personal fascination with Africa and this region in particular (I highly recommend Michela Wrong's "In the Footsteps of Mr. Kurtz" if you're interested in learning more), but also because the Italian art magazine Mousse recently inaugurated an artist curated video site called Vdrome.org.  The first film to feature, Sven Augustijnen's "Spectres", tells more of this story.  

If the Congo isn't quite your bag, bookmark Vdrome now and check in weekly for updated artist projects.

Why?

Cause Colby "the un-poweful Cumyounist Dicktator who, because of his uncompromising love for his readers, goes from blog post to blog post, leaving commands in his wake" tells you to!!!

Gurrrl werk: Mobutu Sese Seko

COLBY KELLER: HARDLY IDEAL

If Monday gets the week rolling, and Friday brings it to a close . . . Wednesday is for humping and Thursday starts the party early, where does that leave lil ole tiny Tuesday?

A day reserved for self-deprecation maybe?

Thankfully for me, I don't need "self" deprecation.  I can have others do it for me.  Recently I stumbled across "History's 125 Hottest Gay-Porn Stars" and was shocked to discover I made the cut!  Granted, at  #114, I just barely made the list, "hardly the perfect ideal" to boot.  I'm profoundly honored none-the-less, if "pro-found" means professionally confounded.  I mean I nudged out Leo Giamani, Chad Hunt, Colton Ford AND Aiden Shaw?  Aiden Shaw at #120!!!!!!  Say what???

Kick me to the curb and bounce Aiden to the front of the list.  You crazy.

KOKI-COLBY-GAMI: RICKYSTPETE

It's been a long, long, looooong time since Lil Colby gave anyone a stiffy (sadly, big Colby can't claim much better).  Thanks to the swamps of central Florida, where, one assumes, the city council of Saint Pete pumps Viagra in the water supply, my miniature, more muscular self has-- however momentarily-- regained his power of erectile suggestion.  I certainly couldn't have anything to do with BSD reader Ricky's lapse into length.  Could I?

You be the judge.  Print off your own mini me (courtesy of Canadian kokigami master J. Bone) and see if the little man can't conjure your todger:

ARTIST I LIKE: ROLLIN LEONARD

"Ball Tight Packing"

If you, like me, have a keen appreciation for GIFs, paper dolls and the male figure (and I assume you must since all three appear with a matter of regularity on this blog), you'll love the work of artist Rollin Leonard.

Hop on over to his website and lose yourself, like I did, for hours.  Start with a scroll down Self Portrait 2012 (one of my favorites). . . and work your way thru pillow cases, bell peppers and undulating bellies galore.

"Paper Dolls" 2008

Still from "Spiral Ravel Ravel" 2012

From "Reanimations" 2008

From "Reanimations" 2008

Detail  from "Self Portrait" 2012

"String Cut" 

COCK APPS

Ever wonder what kind of equipment your secret gym crush in packing in those loose fitting basketball shorts?

With a firm handshake (and a discretely hidden finger-measuring device) you can now finally find out. . . without all the hard work of taking him to bed beforehand.

Predicktor, a recently released iPhone app, was designed by Dr. Chris Culligan, a Toronto-based family physician.  The app predicts cock-size using six interrelated metrics: age, height, shoe size, buttock size, finger length, and sexual orientation.  Dr. Culligan's algorithm depends heavily on the theory that a set of human "Hox genes" influences finger length, penis size and sexual orientation.  According to the theory, gay men have larger penises.  Data mined from the groundbreaking work of Alfred Kinsey, suggests that gay men on average have both thicker and longer pensises (by nearly a third of an inch).

Whoo Hoo!

Predicktor joins Condom Size, another genital-themed phone app released earlier this year.  Condom Size instructs users on proper penis measurement with the aim of encouraging appropriately-sized condom usage.  The app then collates your cock, aligning your measurments against a "world ranking" chart, thereby permitting users to compare their length and girth to global averages.

And you thought your iPhone was just for homemade porn!

EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: TWO-BEDROOM, TWO-AND-ONE-HALF-BATH TOWNHOUSE

". . . And was quite happy.

For a time."

--p. 166

Chapter 44 of Larry Duplechan's Eight Days A Week:

COLBY CRUSH & CAT

How could I pass up Valentine's Day without paying lip (and dick) service to Colby Über-Crush and "Stud with Stache" Matthieu Charneau.  Purrrrrrrrr.  Tay.