Monday, May 25, 2015

FRUSTRATED #COLBYDOESAMERICA (HOW HARD IS A HOOKUP?!)

I haven’t been blogging much lately, I know. But it’s tough to maintain anything even close to resembling a schedule when you’re busy fucking your way across America (28 states filmed and counting!) I never know when I’ll even have good cell coverage, never mind a decent Wi-Fi connection. It’s been amazing seeing this country and meeting people from so many walks of life. I've been truly fortunate to have met so many generous and fantastic people and I can’t say thank you enough to everyone who has donated time, money, participation, or support to #ColbyDoesAmerica.

(Photo: wadleyphotography.com | IG: instagram.com/wadleywadley)


Filming is still going strong (I'm in Chicago for a few more days to cross Illinois off my list, then off to cover more of this great nation!) and we have now have 6 videos (Maine, Massachusetts, Maryland, New York, Oregon, and West Virginia) available for viewing  at www.colbydoesamerica.com. Lately, though, I've been wondering about something I've encountered  more than once that totally baffles me: the non-hookup hookup. I'm not talking about catfishing (that’s a completely different kind of evil), I’m talking about the guys who go to the effort to set up a Grindr or Scruff profile, make an online connection, actually show up to the agreed upon location… and then fall flat, so to speak. I mean, I get that shit happens. And if it were a one-time (or even two-time) thing, it would be easy enough to chalk up to being a fluke. But I gotta tell you, it’s beyond frustrating to encounter the same thing often enough to wonder – what the hell?

In the aftermath of the Grabbys and IML, Chicago is teeming with hordes of horny, available men, right? Boners around every corner. So what’s with guys trying to hook up when they either can’t get it up, or can’t keep it up? I'm talking about young guys here, too. So is the problem too much sex already? Too much drugs? Too much alcohol? Lack of attraction? I mean, I’m pretty sure I look exactly like the selfie I took less than an hour ago. I know a lot of people have already seen me fuck (is that the problem, maybe?), but I'm still just a guy who likes to get laid. I guess my question is: why get online for sex, when you either can’t or aren't actually into having sex?  I'm not saying it happens all the time (#ColbyDoesAmerica would come to a pretty quick demise if that were the case), but  I do have to wonder. Nothing is more awkward than having to ask guys to leave your hotel room because they can’t get it up or they can, then can’t cum. Anyone else experience this oddity?

I know there are tons of guys out there who love to fuck as much as I do. Come on out and let’s leave these other guys to waste someone else’s time.  I've still got a lot of states to cover, so if you want to get involved, hit me up at bigshoediaries at gmail dot com!

20 comments:

  1. Speaking as one who only observes boners, the male sexual response can be a complicated thing, and surprisingly fragile at times. I know you think you're just this guy, but to a lot of other gay men you're A Very Big Deal, and getting with you must produce some severe performance anxiety. My guess is this is what's going through their heads: "Oh, CHRIST, I'm in bed with Colby Keller and he's hot and amazing and he's actually going to do me and shit, I didn't go to the gym today, is my ass flabby, is my dick big enough, will I be good enough, no, no, NO don't do this to me now, just get hard, please...oh, fuck."

    Have some sympathy for them. As frustrated as you are, they're even more so with added humiliation thrown in for flavor.

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    1. Maybe some of these younger guys are hoping for more of an emotional connection and the hookup has become the way many people initially meet. They could be hiding that fact from you... They are pretending to wanna hook up when they wanna get to know you. (Others are just drugged out losers)

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    2. you said it better than i ever could. It sounds like some of these guys have some sort of stage fright when it's time to get to it.

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  2. I've been on both ends before. Not everyone is suited to be a porn star. Melanie, who is female, kind of got it on point.

    I'm a person who gets super aroused when I see other people aroused. When someone gets off, and I'm almost at climax, my mind starts to think "do they even enjoy this now? It seems like a chore to them. Are my motions alright?" And suddenly I'm distracted from being able to get off in a timely manner.

    I can't even imagine worrying about my image in front of Colby Keller, a camera, the internet, and whatever else I have to consider. I do best in traditional, intimate settings. Although it could be the complete opposite. I could cum just by walking in the damn room to my fantasies come to life.

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  3. Come to Argentina!!! Pleaseee ��

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  4. If someone does know who you are, Colby, then I think Melanie's answer is most likely. For most people, sleeping with a porn star is likely to be viewed as the lay of their life, with all the attendant pressure of that. If they do not know you are a porn star, then my guess would be booze, tobacco, and/or other drugs. Also, I think a lot of the hooking-up done on the grindr-type scene is not done for strictly sexual reasons. More about ego than libido. But I could be wrong. I came out in the 80s and 90s, and I'm used to connecting face to face, visually and virtually, not virtually. When I try the modern scene, it leaves me cold and feeling like I'm being forced to play a game where I do not understand the rules.

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  5. Face it. They're just not into you. End of story. Just find some guys who are or can at least fake it for the camera.

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  6. Or, fears of intimacy/rejection or the health concerns of sex with a sex worker. You can't maintain an erection when you think either this person will infect me with something, or that they are too demanding or intimating as a lover.

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  7. I gotta believe its psychological in most cases. The performance anxiety has happened to me a few times, not sure if it's fear, or intimidation with someone new, or some mind fuckery that comes with sex. I can understand the frustration when you're horny and DTF, but trust me, it's mortifying as fuck on the other end... I've ruined some great opportunities with really hot guys; but when I've been lucky enough to get a second chance, I'm over it, and able to pop my rocks off no problem.

    Or maybe it's because I just whack off too much. That could be it too.

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  8. Porn has created a crisis of performance. Immediate gratification from porn delays the sexual cycle. The whole point of sex is to build up potential kinetic sexual energy for release. The greater the potential energy, the greater the release. When guys masturbate they are releasing that energy at certain points without building up enough energy to sustain and active sexual life.

    Your industry is the cause of this.

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  9. As a performer you represent the ideal kind of sex people want. The kind without fear or consequence, however, when they meet you in person they have to face that reality.

    How many times have you been in lust or infatuated with someone, only to lose that desire once you get to know them? It is because you've built this ideal persona that matches your needs and wants in a partner only to be dashed when you realize they are an entirely different person.

    It is karma for sex workers, as you get to have some perks of being a sexual object, at the same time you cannot sustain interest for most people to continue to follow through.

    Sex can be a vicious cycle of disappointment that creates and sustains anxieties.

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    1. Personal performance issues is hardly karma for a sex worker. At the end of the day, people have to take responsibility for their own problems, not shift the blame onto a handy scapegoat.

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  10. Ha. I'm on of those guys! I mean I love to suck some random dick and do some kinky stuff. But I've never came (cummed? orgasmed? lol) with a hookup.

    I think first reason is, there's a sort of pressure for guys (especially gay guys) to be promiscuous and horny ALL the time. Get it up and do it anywhere! And with the whole 'coming out' experience and hookup culture, it's like a have sex or die alone situation. I know that that is objectively false, but subjectively, when you're young and horny and want to meet people, that can be how it feels.

    However, some of us just aren't really built for hookups. There has to be more of an emotional connection, more of a safe space where we feel comfortable. You know, dating and stuff! But I can't tell you how many times I've heard something along the lines of 'well the hookup IS the first date, why would want to date someone if you're not sexually compatible?'

    Plus, you see a hot guy on Grindr or somewhere who's interested in YOU, what are you going to say? No? You can't turn off attraction for someone even if you know that when you hookup that you aren't going to cum.

    That being said though, always make it clear what you want from a hookup experience. Because there's plenty of guys who want mindless, fun, sex. Nothing wrong with that, but if you know it's not for you, make it clear to them what they can expect from you.

    Also, young guys and porn/masturbation dependency is an actual thing...

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  11. understand the frustration on your part. I can also understand how that wouldn't be attractive.

    I guess my problem is that, even as a total bottom, I never get/keep hard when being fucked. not at all. I really enjoy it. it feels great. but I've had more than one guy get disconcerted and my response is "my body doesn't work that way"--and it doesn't take long for me to get hard and off once the top is done.

    but I know i have to be in the minority on here, and if you're ever near this small town in western kansas where i presently live and I see you online, I'll hit you up. certainly.

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  12. I agree with most guys here. There is definitely performance anxiety.

    Also, personally there have been times where I am super horny and I just want to hook up. However, once I am with the guy I loose interest, because what keeps me horny and interested is a person's personality and you don't get to know much of a person in the 5 min it takes for them to take their clothes off.

    I suggest meeting for coffee at least and see where it goes.That way you can sense if they will really take their clothes off and fuck or if they are intimidated or are druggies or something else.
    Plus, this way they get to know a bit about Colby the person, and not so much Colby the intimidating Porn Star.

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  13. I agree with most guys here. There is definitely performance anxiety.

    Also, personally there have been times where I am super horny and I just want to hook up. However, once I am with the guy I loose interest, because what keeps me horny and interested is a person's personality and you don't get to know much of a person in the 5 min it takes for them to take their clothes off.

    I suggest meeting for coffee at least and see where it goes.That way you can sense if they will really take their clothes off and fuck or if they are intimidated or are druggies or something else.
    Plus, this way they get to know a bit about Colby the person, and not so much Colby the intimidating Porn Star.

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  14. Guess they're just not that into meaningless sex.

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  15. I never use them so I'm not speaking from experience, but AFAIK every McDonald's has free WiFi and there's like over 14,000 of them in the US.

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  16. Colby Keller...you are so sexy in a full long thick beard and long hair. I would love to make out with you passionately for hours. If you are ever in the Philadelphia PA area contact me please....call609@yahoo.com

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  17. Heya Colby,

    Come see me when you visit Seattle if you want to hook up with a truly dirty old man. I promise I will get hard and come.

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