I'll admit it: my sheets have been pretty frigid lately. At least one part of my body can now claim a bed-side companion: "Dark Tongues: The Art of Rogues and Riddlers" courtesy of Twitter follower Sara Beth. Sara Beth saw "Dark Tongues" on my Amazon Wish List and sent me a copy for my birthday-- a tremendous honor. I might be pretty damn pale but that doesn't mean I don't also have a dirty mouth. You know where it's been. That said. . .
Thank you Sara Beth!
My tongue, my brain and my boner all send their utmost appreciation. :-)
Today marks the 146th birthday of our fair neighbor to the north (if I'm doing my math correctly). On July 1st, 1867, the British Parliament established the Dominion of Canada under a unified constitution, fusing three otherwise separate colonies: Canada (East and West), New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia.
Canada Day (formerly known as Dominion Day) DOES NOT, however, celebrate Canada's independence from Britain. The last traces of Canada's colonial status did not officially end until the British Parliament passed the Canada Act in 1982 (allowing Canada to issue changes to its constitution without parliamentary pre-approval). The name "Canada" (or kanata) simply means "settlement" in the language of the Iroquois people who once lived along the Saint-Lawrence river. For a fantastic map detailing the original etymological meanings behind all common place names across the United States and Canada, click HERE.
Strange to fathom for independence-minded Americans I know, but Canada remains a prominent member of the British Commonwealth of Nations. The Queen of England remains her official Head of State. The people of Canada are soooooooooooooooooooooooo incredibly nice, it almost makes me feel bad for spanking so many of them, so forcefully. But come-on! Your socialized health care is nice . . . but a monarch!? Happy birthday Canada! (kinda-sorta?)
Captaincornholer, as he'd like to be know (because he's a corny bitch), lives in the city of brotherly love. While I love his adorable frames you'll be saddened to know that in true Philly style his boyfriend recently broke them (and his face!) with his murse (a man-purse for those unfamiliar with the term). It helps to not call your boyfriend a whore on his birthday.
I take my glasses off to you Captaincornholer . . . and give you a very stern look of concern.
Belated holiday blessings are in order. Vijaya Dishami (also known as Dussehra or Dashain or Durgostav), the final day of a ten day festival commemorating the destruction of the evil 10 headed demon Ravana by Lord Rama occurred this past Wednesday, October 24th. The festival often culminates in the spectacular conflagration of the demon Ravana in effigy. I only found out about it today eating lunch at my favorite Nepalese buffet in Baltimore, Kumari (best chai EVER!).
On the topic of belated business long past due, I owe belated birthday presents to a few generous blog readers who sent me books from my Amazon Wish List while I was away in Texas.
Will the followings readers please step forward to claim your boners:
Michael M. ("Overthrow of Colonial Slavery", "Castro's Cuba, Cuba's Fidel")
Kevin C. ("Atlas of Remote Islands")
Paul St. A. ("Art & Agenda", "Tom Sachs")
J.J. C. ("Trotsky" and "Zizek on Violence")
Randall S. V. ("Toilet Paper")
Jeff F. ("I Am Sitting In A Room")
and the BSD readers who purchased the following books, but whose enclosed packing slips didn't list a buyer:
It's everybody's favorite time of the year. . . Colby's birthday!!!! If you, like many Americans, are debating where to spend Uncle Sam's trickle down recession bucks, why not consider the plight of America's working class porn star.
Medicaid voucher?
Food stamps?
I've already got those. Why not send a fun book instead! Just click on my Amazon Wish List and pick your favorite. I'll even give you a special present in return to say thanks: your own personalized Colby porn pic. For each book I receive, I promise to send a personalized photo provocatively thumbing thru your generous gift in nothing but my birthday suit. Don't wait too long however. My birthday is only two whole weeks away.
If you've ever had any doubt as to the full effect of my homosexual orientation, let the evidence show not one BUT three full trays of arduously decorated homemade panna-cotta. I even used real vanilla bean! I made the traditional Italian dessert to accompany our annual back alley pig roast. If that's not enough to convince you, behold the carrot cake below.
Newbie porn performer Dale Cooper celebrated his birthday this weekend. Dressed in a sumptuous ensemble of orange-ginger cream frosting, toasted pecans and candied carrot strips, "gay" doesn't go far enough to describe this cocksucker's dream dessert. It's pretty damn tasty too.
This Halloween (the last official day of my birthday month) my good friend Brian took me to the best restaurant in Baltimore to celebrate 31 years (and 13 days) of life. Woodberry specializes in fresh seasonal, local food from the Chesapeake region. Brian works at the restaurant and managed to procure a birthday feast-- by far the most incredible meal I've tasted my entire life, all 31 years included. If money is no issue and you happen to find yourself in Baltimore, I highly recommend a trip to Woodberry. You won't be disappointed. The cocktails are pretty fantastic as well (my favorite is the Gov't Mule). The servers, in mandatory flannel (or homemade apron) are all incredibly knowledgeable and kind. If you've ever gone to a restaurant just for its personality, Woodberry would be it.
In addition to his generous birthday gift (two Murakami novels, an autographed copy of the first Kevin Keller gay Archie comic, and a portrait of me bare-ass naked holding a balloon), perennial BSD favorite Jef from Philly also made this video. It's an art project of sorts. Jef set aside a month of his personal alone time and devoted it strictly to me, documenting every cumshot he could muster from any available Colby Keller video he could find. There are 25 in total, from the following videos: Hookups, Ex Military, Fuck Your Friends 1&2, In the Basement, Night Before the Wedding, Tales from Last Summer and Late Night Hit. According to Jef, Ex Military and Tales from Last Summer topped his favorites list. Pulp's "This is Hardcore" provides the soundtrack. Maybe you can donate your own cumshot to Jef's project?
A HUGE post birthday bear-hug to Jef, perhaps my biggest fan ever. Jef sent me a fantastic birthday present last week. He even timed the package to arrive exactly on my birthday. Included were two books by Haruki Murakami, "Kafka on the Shore" and "After Dark", a signed copy of "Keller" the first openly gay Archie comic book character (sadly soon to be discontinued I hear), and a beautiful drawing of Colby in nothing but my birthday suit.
Jef also made a video documenting a month's worth of orgasms, 25 in all (each inspired by a different video in the Keller catalog). A bit like an erotic music video, Jef's home cum-shot compilation is set to Pulp's "This is Hardcore". Jef gave me permission to post the video but unfortunately, it's a little too big to upload directly to Blogger (and Youtube is a definite no-go). Maybe X-tube? I'll keep you posted. . .
A picture may tell a thousand words but a thousand pictures usually tell a single story (we call them movies).
Today marks another year I've survived my own mini-series of sorts: Planet Earth. Please act amazed, cause I am. I thought for sure my sitcom would get canceled second season. Maybe it's my kooky upbringing, but I've never been a big fan of birthdays-- just too narcissistic a holiday for this ole' socialist. To celebrate my aversion to said narcissism I've decided on the only reasonable solution: post as many pictures of myself as possible. My recent trip to LA didn't result in any work (or more importantly, any paychecks), but I did manage to have a lot of fun. Turns out all you need is the simple solace of the LA river, an empty urban park, one oversized jockstrap and a camera crew.
Age is the gift I give myself; "Colby pics" are the gift I give you. Credit to co-gifter Gabe Ayala and crew, of course, who took the photos.
