BOY WITH BEARD: MAX MELTON

It's hard to resist a man with a name like Max Melt-on.  Not only does Max have a beautiful beard and stylish stache, he's quite the wordsmith.  I'll let Max describe the splendid portrait above:

"The Lee Roberts photographic diptych avec bubblegum was done this past weekend, and I've been holding off on sending this e-mail because I wanted to include it, as I knew it'd be a riot to do. It's part of a larger project, projectbubble.tumblr.com, that Lee is doing of his bearded gay friends in London. Well worth a look, believe me. It's its own blog post in its own right! A curious blend of the life-death spiritual iconography of medieval diptychs, and the surprisingly erotic mastication of bubblegum. With beards."

Photo credits (in no certain order):

Jack Baxter
Heather Birnie
Lee Roberts
Paul Strowger

BANANA MAN FAN KLUB

A show so nice, I had to see it twice.  Big too!  And you know I like em big.

MoMA's immense survey of artist Mike Kelley's work spans all five floors of the former school house building of PS1 in Queens.  Poignant and very often funny, Kelley's work firmly embraces a queer sensability.  Born in Motor City (just like me!), Kelley worked for most of his life in Los Angeles until his tragic death last year.  Most suspect suicide.

Kelley's work explores memory and trauma (and Marxism) with humor and kandor, often employing sexual imagery as a trigger-- right up my (back) alley.

In my favorite piece, "Day is Done", Kelley recreates narratives based on found photographs he collected from high school year books.  Kelley re-stages each photo, re-invisiones the "lost content" and transforms bizarre, yet banal, instantiations of shared social memory into sites of creative play.  There is even an extensive body of work about Superman for all you comic book geeks out there-- not to mention "Banana Man", rapist Japanese water spirits, and a host of sock puppet sculptures . . . enough I See Penis for a generation.  

"Lumpenproletariat"

Follow the red ribbon. . . 

. . . to the bowels of the museum, and break down the doors. . . 

I SEE PENIS: THE TERMINATOR

Just remember boys!  Steroid abuse can terminate your todger.  Just ask former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenneger . . . or not.

BONFIRES FOR BOOKS

It's incredibly rare when a "gift" from a "fan" leaves me feeling nothing but cold-hearted.  Frequent illegal porn watcher Sean not only felt the need to confess his bad habit (one I can't say I haven't indulged in myself), he also felt the need to extract free exposure from my exposed boner and the cojones to call that "socialism".  To be clear Sean, socialism attempts to organize society under the aegis of "fairness" and "equality", unlike capitalism, which can only hope to compensate workers partially (the rest going to profit and the like). . . and then of course there is slavery-- free labor-- which seems to be a lot closer to what you want from me.  Steal my labor once, that's on you; Steal my labor twice, that's on me.  You got my ass confused with yo' miniature pincher, cause I ain't yo' bitch.  Bitch.

My penis is not your publicist.

You could have at least sent me your book along with one I might actually want.  Manners children!

Disturbing historical analogies aside (you know I got your back-- Librarians of the World Unite!), I couldn't help but think of one tempting solution to warm me back up:

HONE . . . GHEE

Are you hungry for fish?  Cause I'm hungry for fish.

Wet.

Fish.

Freshly hooked.

With sacred condiments (and cricket symphony).  Is it wrong that I use this video as organic Ambien?

And if that doesn't work there is always holy deodorant:

IF MY TESTICLES COULD TALK

Forget jingle bells, if only my balls could talk. . .

I SEE PENIS: SCAM-WHICH

Where's the beef!?

A classic porn scene provision demystified: